holding patterns

Thoughts On Remembrance Day

2011-11-12T00:01:00.002-05:00

Thoughts On Remembrance Day

The picture above was taken a little over to years ago. I was visiting the Commonwealth Air Training Plan Museum in Brandon, MB. This is a chalk board that was discovered in an old Winnipeg school and then moved to the museum. It's evidence of something that likely wasn't unusual at that extraordinary time. And that's a class of school children raising money to buy bombs for the war effort. It's something that has stuck with me ever since.

What a horrible thought it is for me to think that school kids would have to think about war and bombs and killing. How different it is from kids raising money for a new playground or for a local charity. In recent times there have been heart warming stories of school children doing what they can to raise money to help the victims of hurricaines, earthquakes, and other natural disasters. What a time it must have been to have kids raising money to buy bombs. And it being not only accepted by society, but encouraged.

Yet that's how it was during WWII. I remember talking with my Dad a few days after our visit to the museum. And he was telling me about that time. His thoughts were based on what he'd heard from his parents, aunts, uncles, and people who'd lived through that time. It was a time where the war touched the lives of almost everyone in this country and everyone thought about it. There was a sense of solidarity and commitment to a common cause, that being to survive and end the war, across the country that we can hardly fathom today. And so yes, it was a time when school children would think about what they could do to help win the war. Everyone tried to do something that they thought could help.

Over the course of that discussion my Dad told me about one of my great uncles. He drove a supply truck during WWII. When he was in the field he'd sleep under his truck so that he could be up and driving to where he needed to be as soon as he was called upon. He'd often drive through areas where fighting had just occurred and the dying and wounded were still on the ground.

After the war he came home. He went back to his farm and his family. In many ways he lived a happy and productive life. He had children and grandchildren whom he loved and who loved him. But the war had an effect on him. He didn't like to talk about the war. And there were times when he'd get so worked up and feel so distressed, that the only way he could calm himself down and start to feel better was to go out into the garage and crawl underneath the truck. Again a powerful image for me. A grown man crawling under a truck, driven there by the horrible experiences and memories of war. And this is someone who didn't fight on the frontlines. It's also someone who I know was loved, and is well remembered in my family.

So as Remembrance Day rolls around each year I have these two things that I think about. Young Canadian children raising money to buy bombs. And regular people returning from their military service forever tainted by war, in particular my great uncle.

I also think of my own views on pacifism. I also think of pacifists I know who have a rather negative view toward Remembrance Day. And I try to come to terms with my own thoughts and feelings.

For me, Remembrance is a day to think about how horrible war is. It's important for me to remember that there was a time when children in this country had bake sales to buy bombs to be dropped on other human beings. It's also important to remember those who went and experienced war first hand. The impact that had on them. I don't see Remembrance Day as a day to declare them as heroes as much as it is to stand in solidarity with people who have experienced something that no one should have to experience. To let them know that they aren't forgotten and that they are loved.

The catch phrases of "never again" and "may we never forget" couldn't be more appropriate. For me Remebrance Day reminds me why I should be angry about war and long for a day when society no longer tolerates it. And at the same time there's an irony to all this, as we are currently involved in the war in Afghanistan. A war that I, like many Canadians, rarely think about.

Power To The People!

2010-08-08T12:25:00.002-04:00

Power To The People!

As the title of yesterday's blog may have suggested, I'm quite familiar with the work of Public Enemy. When I was in high school and in my early twenties I was a huge Public Enemy fan!

This surprises some people. I think I often present as the quiet and conservative type. And indeed I am rather quiet, I go to church, I'm reserved in how and when I present my thoughts and emotions. But that doesn't mean that I don't think about things, develop strong opinions, or have strong emotional responses to things. And so as a young man the radical social consciousness of Public Enemy appealed to me. It was music that presented thoughts and ideas, that was intended to get the listener to think. For me it captured my attention and moved me to think about and further explore things like the history of oppression, the frustrations of minorities and the disempowered, self empowerment, community empowerment, self awareness, social awareness and a lot of other things. For me it helped me in the development of critical thinking and so in that way Public Enemy has a special place in my life.

Power To The People?

2010-08-07T18:04:00.003-04:00

Power To The People?

It hasn't garnered the headlines that I might have thought it would. But then with the awful flooding in Pakistan right now, most any other international news has become secondary and rightly so. However on August 4 the Kenyan people voted in a referendum on a new constitution and voted in favour of what will become Kenya's first constitution since the original constitution drawn up rather hastily at independence. Indeed since independence Kenya has mostly been governed by men who've had no interest in creating and adopting a constitution that would limit their powers and/or provide checks and balances. But it feels like things are finally changing.

You can read more about the new constitution here.

The question is what will this mean for Kenya? Kenya is a beautiful country and although it is a poor country you'd be surprised by the level of resources, wealth, and infrastrcture that does exist there. Kenya is certainly the economic powerhouse of it's region. However one could easily argue that it is also a failed state in that the government does not adequately or even come close to adequately providing essential services to it's people such as education, health care, safety, water, sanitation, transportation, etc. The reason for that has been a government that's been too concerned with playing politics and less concerned with being accountable to the electorate. Nepotism, graft, patronage, and profiting from power are so entrenched in Kenyan government that it's hard to believe that even the most determined politicians could liberate the Kenyan political system from such a morass of corruption. Indeed those that have tried have often found themselves on the wrong end of a mysterious and unsolved assasination or accident. As those who profit from the way things are seek to protect their interests.

J.M. Kariuki's declaration that "Kenya has become a nation of 10 millionaires and 10 million beggars” rings even more true now than when he first declared it over 30 years ago.

However I do think that there has been a power struggle brewing in Kenya with some political leaders who seriously want to see governance that is accountable to the electorate and therefore better serves the people as opposed to the interests of the few. And this constitution comes out of that. Having a constitution could finally provide the framework that Kenya needs to evolve into the nation it's citizens want it to become. I'm cautiously excited and hopeful that it will.

Canada/USA

2010-02-21T17:10:00.003-05:00

Canada vs USA

Well, like so many Canadians I'll be by a television this evening to watch Canada play the USA at the Olympics. I'm hoping for a win, not just because it'll set us up nicely for the upcoming playoff rounds, but it's also my birthday and I'd really like to see Canada beat the US on my birthday.

The last time Canada played the US in a major hockey tournament was at the World Juniors in Saskatoon. For the Gold Medal. I was at that game. And although it ended on a disappointing note with the US winning in overtime, it was a very exciting game to be at. Probably one of the most, if not the most, exhilarating live sports experiences of my life. The atmosphere for that game was incredible. I'd love to be at this game in Vancouver today, but I'm sure it'll be great on tv too.

Beard Trim

2009-12-23T14:37:00.003-05:00

I think it was last week when a friend of mine mentioned that he'd like to treat himself to a beard trim and suggested that I join him. Well I hadn't really thought of that before. And, not having any hair on my head, I haven't darkened the door of a barber shop in years. The idea very much intrigued and excited me.

So today we went. The barber shop was somewhat old school, with big throne barber chairs. And then comfy old leather bound chairs to sit and wait upon. There were all of these big mirrors with heavy fine framing. And then four barbers cutting and clipping away to classical music.

We walked in and sat down to wait. There were 3 or 4 other fellas waiting already, but we were in chairs and getting our beards trimmed within 10 minutes. It was quite the experience. My barber definitely knew what he was doing. And it felt good, especially the hot towel that he wrapped around my face. He also dried and brush my beard after. Talk about fine service. $10 well spent if you ask me.

I think my beard looks quite awesome after that trimmin'. But judge for yourself, you can see each side on the above photo.

What a pleasant afternoon outing.

Saturday Night Mysteries!

2009-10-17T19:42:00.005-04:00

SATURDAY NIGHT MYSTERIES!

Over the summer I got into the habit of watching PBS on Saturday nights. And in a lot of ways I've rediscovered PBS. Anyway on Saturday nights my local PBS shows Sherlock Holmes, followed by Agatha Christie's Poirot, followed by a rerun of last week's Masterpiece Theatre Mystery! (Masterpiece Mystery! airs their "new" feature on Sunday nights).

Growing up I can remember my Dad watching these shows. I usually found them a little too slow moving and dry, or dare I say British. So I rarely watched them for very long. I remember my sister Karen eventually developed a taste for them. But none the less there is a nostalgia about them.

So this summer I was excited to see that PBS still aired the same old shows. I decided to watch them, and well I really enjoy them. Now I look forward to making a pot of tea and settling in on the couch to watch a succession of "who dunnits". I particularly like the Sherlock Holmes mysteries and some of the series on Mystery! have been excellent, such as Wallander and Inspector Lewis. I also enjoy Miss Marple, my sister Karen's favourite, but it's an old school one (like Poirot and Sherlock Holmes). I sometimes wonder if Miss Marple might have been the inspirations for the Jessica Fletcher character on "Murder She Wrote". Anyway it's about that time.

I wonder if this is a sign that I truly am reaching middle age?

Grown Under The Sun?

2009-10-12T00:52:00.002-04:00

A couple of years ago I blogged about food, and where our food comes from. More specifically it was about Kenyan grown vegetables being sold in Europe and how the "buy local" because it's better for the environment idea could potentially harm an industry that is the lifeline for so many people in a developing country like Kenya. You can read that blog by clicking here.

Well today I discovered a website that really better explains the issue and made me aware of some things I didn't already know. It's called "Grown Under the Sun", check it out by clicking here. I found the video very informative.

The facts are that growing food and flowers out of season in a greenhouse requires a lot of water, electricity, and creates a heavy carbon footprint. Whereas importing produce from a warm climate where the growing of that produce requires much less of those resources, even when you factor in the transportation, often creates a much lighter environmental footprint. And in the case of Kenyan produce being sold in Europe, that seems to be the case.

Of course if we all could just stick to what's in season in our own local climates, well that has the least environmental impact. But that's more extreme than most people are willing to go.

Anyway, just some food for thought. Or some thoughts about food.

fishing and camping

2009-08-08T01:46:00.003-04:00

It was almost a month ago that I caught this lovely fish. It was a Saturday morning at Anglin Lake. I was up there camping with Mom and her husband for the weekend. We fried this guy up over the fire later on that day and few things taste better than freshly caught fish cooked over an open fire. Incidentally I should also mention that few things taste better than breakfast cooked over and open fire (bacon, sausage, eggs, pancakes, you know good rustic breakfast food).

Anyway as I was up there I realized how much I miss that in my life. Camping, fishing, regularly spending time outside and in the forest. It really does renew my mind and allow me a sense of peace much more easily and holistically than most other forms of leisure that I have built into my life at the moment. And you know one of the wonderful things about Saskatoon is that you can easily escape to a place like Anglin Lake in a couple of hours. I sometimes miss the "easier" lifestyle of a place like Saskatoon. Sometimes.

the three nephews

2009-08-05T22:53:00.008-04:00

the three nephews

Ok so this is a bit of an indulgence. But I thought I'd write about my three little nephews. My last two family visits have been quite different than previous family visits. We were just getting used to and very much enjoying one nephew, or for my parents one grand child. And at Christmas that was still the case. But now there's three and boy is that different!

I couldn't be a more proud uncle and I'm realizing that if all I do when I visit my family is spend time with my nephews, well that wouldn't be a wasted trip. And I've really missed these guys lately.

This is my newest nephew Malcolm. He's my sister Karen's baby boy and he was born in April. As you can see he's become quite expressive. He smiles and puts his hands in his mouth, like you see here. And he's got those bright little eyes. But he also furrows his brow too, which is very cute.
I really enjoyed hanging out with Malcolm during this last visit. He's a smaller baby than either of Gabrielle's babies were. I think he's actually normal size for a baby, but he seems so small and cute.
While I was visiting I saw how he's learned to turn on the little toy aquarium in his crib. It plays that Pachelbel song that you hear at weddings too often. Anyway he knows how to turn it on. And my sister tells me that that's how she knows Malcolm is awake in the morning. He wakes up, pushes the button, and just lies there looking at the aquarium. Of course that's on a good morning, and they're not always good mornings.

Now this is Aleksei and as you can see he's in the early stages of crawling. He'll spend a long time in positions like this trying to reach a ball or a toy and he stays pretty focused. It takes him a long time to get frustrated.
Aleksei is my sister Gabrielle's youngest son. He was born in January. He's a heavy baby and been growing fast, his older brother was that way too. It's a lot of fun watching him in this stage where he's just starting to play with toys, roll over, try to crawl. He's such busy little baby right now. And dare I say the cutest 6 month old baby I know.

He's also the smiliest baby I know or can even remember seeing. He seems to almost always have that big smile going and I really can't get enough of it.
It's a lot of fun when both Karen and Gab are in the same place, which means Malcolm and Aleksei are in the same place. They're cousins and only three months apart. Both adorable but very different. And the size difference is quite noticeable. I really enjoy seeing my sisters being moms and aunts at the same time, holding each other's babies, commenting how cute they are, it's enough to make me glad I had sisters. Of course I was happy to have sisters already.

This is Indiana. He'll be 3 soon. And if any of you have indulged me by listening to me talk about "my nephew", you've probably heard about him.
He's in this stage where he poses for pictures sometimes, and I find it very cute. He's standing in front of two puzzles that I've given him as presents when I've gone to visit. He really enjoys figuring out things like puzzles. It's a lot of fun to watch him play and my Mom says it's a lot like how I was at that age. But then moms say stuff like that.
I enjoy how excited Indiana gets when he sees me or my sister Karen. And how eagerly he talks to us on the phone. It feels pretty special, and I love making him happy. I'll probably turn into one of those uncles who spoils his siblings' kids rotten. Especially if I don't ever have kids of my own.

morning reading

2009-08-03T12:26:00.003-04:00

I stumbled onto a wonderful piece in Kenya's Daily Nation this morning. It's the story of a bishop who sought to take on the ethnic clashes which shocked Kenya's Rift Valley in the 90's. It also serves as a good history lesson for those unfamiliar with Kenya's history of ethnic clashes. It is a relatively recent one, with more political motivation as opposed to deep seeded tribalism. When I lived in Kenya these sort of ethnic clashes had yet to happen and no one would have expected it possible that something like that would even happen. The Rift Valley seemed so peaceful and relatively prosperous, people from different tribal backgrounds coexisted peacefully and in fact intermarriage between people from different tribes was common. I followed the news with sadness as these clashes would erupt prior to every elction in the 90's. It was such a relief to know that there was an election and a referendum at the start of this decade where there were no ethnic clashes and I think many people optimistically hoped that it had become a thing of the past, gone with the Moi regime. And that led to an even heightened sense of horror when the post election violence of 2008 erupted.

Anyway this is actually an inspiring story, even if it is amidst the backdrop of something sad and horrible, it's worth a read. Click here.

Luke (19:40) “I tell you, if these keep silent the stones will cry out.”

HFY

2009-08-02T13:58:00.005-04:00

Homemade Yogurt! That's right, I've recently learned how to make my own yogurt. Seeing as how yogurt is a very healthy way to incorporate dairy into one's diet, and I like yogurt, I've decided to be more intentional about making it a regular part of my diet. But yogurt is expensive, nearly the cost of ice cream. But if you make it yourself, well it's not really any more than the cost of milk.

When visiting my sister Gabrielle, I took notice that she makes her own yogurt for her family. So with a few tips from her and some reading in my recently purchased More With Less cookbook I set about making my own yogurt. And today I'm enjoying the rewards of my work. It feels like I have an unlimited supply of yogurt. And I can do so many things with it. Like this morning I flavoured my yogurt with fresh fruit, hence the F in HFY for those of you who were wondering. But I also discovered how to make drinking yogurt, which I guess we don't think of a lot here in North America. But back when I lived in Kenya that's how most yogurt came, and I really liked it. Drinking yogurt flavoured with honey is a great treat.

So anyway, all you have to do is heat some milk to 180F. Then you remove it from the heat and let it cool to between 110-120F. Now you add some yogurt to it, maybe a 1/3 of a cup for each quart. Although I've heard that you can get away with less. You stir it up so that the yogurt breaks down. Then put the whole mixture in a jar and loosesly seal it. You now need to keep your "yogurt" between 110-120F for 3-6 hours. I kept the jar in a big pot full of water that was 115F and sitting on my stove. I'd check the temperature of the water occasionally and turn the burner on low if the temperature was starting to drop. You don't want to disturb the yogurt during this time.

It sounds like more work than it is. It's easy.

Now I mentioned More With Less. It's a book that was written in 1976, under the umbrella of the Mennonite Central Committee (whose logo strangely looks like the state of Texas turned counter clockwise). It asks the questions "does what you eat affect who you are spiritually?" and "does your belief in God affect your way of living?" As the book proceeds to explore these questions and offer suggestion as to how we eat, what we eat, what food we purchase, and how we prepare it can have a more positive impact on the world around us I realize that this cookbook is actually a very important practical theology book in some ways. And of course there are the recipes, some of which I've already tried and enjoyed. And of course, being written by Mennonites, it suggests lots of ways to be frugal and minimize waste.

If I really go forward with the suggestions I'm reading about I suspect I'll save money, eat healthier, and in a small way go against the food production and agricultural practices that are not only inneficient and wasteful but wreaking havoc with our environment. It's kind of heavy when you think about it.

the new nephew

2009-04-12T16:07:00.003-04:00

This is my sister Karen holding her baby boy Malcolm. I couldn't be more happy for her and Jeff! My sister loves babies and kids so much, always has, I used to comment about how in some ways she never let herself grow up (you know when she was in her 20's and I gave her a Lion King lamp for Christmas and she absolutely loved it). I know Karen will be so happy to be a mother. She's already a very enthusiastic auntie. And so that makes me happy. Happy for sisters.

reflection and realization

2008-06-22T13:40:00.003-04:00

you can't rely on time

to change the way you feel

because time it often loses track

of who it's gotta heal

-jill barber, in perfect time

Those words have kind of haunted me for a little while. As some of you may know, the past year or so has included some of the most emotionally intense times that I've experienced in quite some time. Particularly at work.

And as things settle and change and that which was once difficult and tumultuous to navigate fades into the past I expected to feel better, relaxed, and at peace. Instead I've found myself still tired and feeling more anxious, on edge, and frustrated about people, circumstances, and events than I did when I was in the midst of them. I've been surprised by that.

It's as if there was some sort of coping mechanism that allowed me to adapt to and deal with so much that's now been shut off. And the result is a flood of intense realization and emotion about the recent past.

As I try ot unpack this and come to terms with it, the written words of Thomas Merton ring particularly true:

To consider persons and events and situations only in the light of their effect upon myself is to live on the doorstep of hell. -No Man Is an Island, 24

As I no longer am in the midst of what at times felt like a sinking ship, as there are fewer difficult situations to help people through, as people no longer need the support they once did from me I find myself feeling and thinking about the effects of it all on my own self when I didn't before. Reflection and self awareness is important but there's the danger of crossing into what Merton describes. And without realizing it I think may have done so.

The "sinking ship" analogy also fits in that when you are a part of "righting the ship" you can't dwell on the fact that it is sinking or off course. You are aware of it, but you can't dwell on it, you almost block it out. You focus exclusively on what needs to be done to avert the worst of possibilities and ideally bring about a positive situation. But then when all is right one must come to terms with the fact that the ship is a float and back on course.

I suppose have to acknowledge that the worst is over and consequently let go, as opposed to reliving it over and over again in my head. And unfortunately for me it's not just happening on its own as time passes.

sheep and the fertility giant

2008-06-21T12:56:00.000-04:00

I really had no idea.

2008-06-18T11:06:00.003-04:00

"The Gospel is much bigger than the saving of personal souls. It’s the redemption of all things.”
-Cam Roxburgh from an interview in Faith Today

Such a refreshing truth. Read more here.

Tired of Life!?

2008-06-08T11:25:00.002-04:00

That was the explanation if the man who did this. It's so hard to understand how desensitized people can become. How someone can do something like this in a premeditated way just because, just based on how they feel. What a condition this is. How fragile we really are.

It's hard to know what to think, how to feel.

Uplifting!

2008-05-30T23:39:00.002-04:00

Today I came home from work. A tiring week of work with it's ups and downs. But at the end of it I felt more down than up. In fact some really heavy stuff went down this week, and I don't know that I can describe the bizarre range of emotions I'm feeling.

But I start listening to the Cubs game when I get home. Well the Cubs get down 6-0 and I doze off to sleep. I wake up a little later and they're down 8-0. It's just a bad game. Ted Lilly serving up beach balls.

However I'm glad I left it on. Because come the bottom of the 7th inning I was hanging on every word of broadcast as the Cubs stormed back to take the lead! And then they were able to close the game out for the W. It's the type of comeback that doesn't happen often,and the type of game that Cubs fans will talk about for years.

For me it was a reminder that sometimes when things go so wrong they can still turn out so right. It's just a baseball game, but sometimes the things we appreciate produce moments that are precious and meaningful to us.

I've had people tell me it's shallow to get so caught up in sports. But you know I'd ask those same people if they've ever had a precious moment that came from the appreciation of something. A few lines of good literature, or better yet good poetry that stirred powerful feelings in you. A few notes of music that were just so special. A beautiful view that produced a beautiful moment. The truth is that not all of the special moments in our lives come from friends and family. Sometimes special moments come from the things we appreciate. And I don't think that that's shallow or sad.

Today my love and appreciation of the Cubs and of baseball came together with an extraordinary game to produce and uplifting moment for me. Just what I needed to help me forget about the week that's past and enjoy the days ahead. And we all need those uplifting moments in our lives. Wherever they may come from.

the streets of toledo

2008-05-29T05:27:00.005-04:00

april 18, 2008 - the streets of toledo

It's both easy and hard to believe it's been over a month since I was in Spain. It feels so long ago, yet it also feels like I haven't had much time to just reflect upon my trip and bask in the memory of how wonderful it was. But this morning as the sun starts to illuminate my living room I am doing just that.

I remember lying on the bed of my adorable little hotel room in Toledo listening to Johnny Cash's "Streets of Laredo" on my mp3 player. Not because it really fit with where I was but because I'd thought of that song earlier in the day when I was trying to train my self to pronounce Toledo correctly. English speakers from our part of the world are used to pronouncing a long "e" when we say "Toledo", which works if you're talking about the very plain city in Ohio. But if you're talking about the former capital of Spain and one of her most magnificent cities, well any Spaniard would cringe at that pronunciation. The proper way to say it is with a short "e". Kind of like how Johnny Cash says "Laredo" in that song. Hence my desire to listen to it as I reflected on my evening.

My day had started with a drive along the Mediterranean and through the desolate landscape you see in spaghetti westerns. In the south of Spain. It was my transition from staying at a condo along the beach with my mom and her husband and just enjoying a relaxing vacation to exploring some of Spain on my own and taking in some of the major sights. And part of that transition was going to be flying from Almeria to Madrid, where I'd make my way to the train station and catch a high speed train to Toledo.

Well my flight was delayed, and delayed again, and I spent a lot of time in Almeria's tiny airport. But I eventually got to Madrid, and from then on my journey went smoothly. And I arrived in Toledo in the evening before it was dark.

My guide book suggested taking a bus to the old city from the train station, but it also mentioned that it was only a pleasant 20 minute walk. So I decided to walk it. And it was a nice walk. Except that after crossing Rio Tajo I had to ascend some very steep steps with what was becoming an increasingly heavy backpack (you know the big backpacking kind). As I made my way through the streets and alleys looking for my hotel I was now tired, sweaty, and my shoulder and back muscles were becoming quite sore. It was hard to fully appreciate where I was as I desperately wanted to dump my pack, collapse on a bed, and take a shower. And I truly enjoyed those things when the time and place for them finally came.

After that I decided it was time for a good meal. And you know Toledo is well known for some fine dining. I figured that you only find yourself in a place like this so often and that I should treat myself to a good meal, not even worrying about the cost. So I put on some of my dressier clothes, checked the guide book for a few recommendations, and was off to explore Toledo.

By now it was dark, and the experience of wandering the narrows streets of this old city was surreal. The streets would be relatively quiet, only for that silence to be periodically interrupted by sporadic groups of people either setting out or returning from dinner. It was getting close to 10pm, which seems to be the prime dinner hour in Spain.

I was having trouble knowing where I was going, but I decided not to fight it. So I put on my headphones and started to wander, not worrying about the map I had. And wandering those old cobbled streets amongst all of those magnificent stone buildings while listening to Metallica as covered by the four cellos' Apocalytptica. It all soon became one of those magnificently powerful moments where what you're listening to comes together with where you are and what you're seeing in that perfect way that overwhelms your senses. I can close my eyes and it comes back so easily, it's an incredible memory for me now.

Well I did eventually worry about whether or not I'd become lost. But after consulting the map I soon figured out where I was and meandered my way to where I wanted to go. I came upon a restaurant that I thought might be right for what I wanted. But as I peered inside the immaculate interior and the wait staff wearing tuxedos kind of intimidated me. It didn't feel right for me at that moment, even though I kind of knew that's what it was going to be. So I made my way for another place that I'd already passed and one that I'd read about and thought I might like.

The restaurant I went to was only a little less fancy. But it was quiet and I became comfortable there relatively quick. I was soon eating a wonderful salad and some delicious bread. I ordered a small bottle of red wine from the rioja region and some venison. The meat couldn't have been better prepared, I hardly had to chew it and it was delicious. I ate so well. And I finished things off with some marzipan and a "cafe con leche". By now I felt quite established at ordering coffee in spanish. So after muddling my way through the menu for most of the evening it felt good to know how to order something without pointing.

There's something about fine dining, and fine dining alone. It's not always comfortable. But on this night it was. And I returned to my hotel feeling fully satisfied with my night in this magnificent old city. And then I laid back on my bed and listened to a little Johnny Cash. Perfect.

silence

2008-05-12T10:13:00.003-04:00

It's been awhile since I've blogged or really even thought of blogging. And a lot has gone on in my life that some of you would want to know about.

I did hear back about that job in Kenya. Didn't get it.

I got to spend some time with my Dad watching the Big Ten Tournament in Indianapolis. Illinois made a magical run to the finals, Indiana had a meltdown, and what an exciting trip that was!

I went to Spain! And I spent some time with my mom there.

But then I came back to find out that my Uncle Lou died. That was really sad. Still is.

There's been a lot going on and I really should process some of it and write it out here for those of you who don't get to see me very often. I'll try and make some time to do that.

2008-01-14T14:44:00.000-05:00

a few links to a few things to think about

A good thought over on Dan Sheffield's blog. Click here.

Less of a good thought from an article in the London Times. Click here.

Both worth some thought though.

Alone

2008-01-14T11:26:00.001-05:00

Alone

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were-I have not seen
As others saw- I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I lov'd, I lov'd alone.
Then-in my childhood-in the dawn
Of a most stormy life-was drawn
From ev'ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that 'round me roll'd
In its autumn tint of gold-
From the lightning in the sky
As it pass'd me flying by-
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.

-Edgar Allan Poe

I was reading this today as I sipped some wonderful white tea and sat in my apartment. Alone. I often sort of grapple with the fact that I both need and enjoy time alone. Sometimes people think that there's something wrong with that. But I do love solitude and space and time that has no constraints on it. For me the challenge is to balance my love for those things with being productive. And incidentally being productive is so overrated. But it's kind of necessary. And I do have people in my life whom I love and whose company I enjoy. And I find myself having to be intentional about making space for them and all that goes into keeping in touch with people. I very much do enjoy the people in my life and the moments spent with them, And indeed without them I feel too alone and I actually feel lonely. But I do it to myself sometimes. Sometimes my enjoyment of being alone and keeping to myself can become self destructive.

Hmmm.....alone. So wonderful, so dangerously wonderful.

And I Wait........

2008-01-13T21:45:00.001-05:00

It comes and goes as a major story in the news over the past few weeks. But there have been riots in Kenya. People have been displaced. The country is at a political impasse.

It all took a turn for the worse after the December 27 election. It was too close. For people who are used to corruption and those in power doing absolutely anything to remain in power it's hard to accept a close election as fair. And indeed there were irregularities. You can read a good account of it all here.

And so the protests turn into riots. The trouble makers come out to loot and displace others for their own gain. Tribalism comes to the fore and peaceful nation is crippled to its knees.

It sounds so dramatic. In reality it is awful, but the violence is somewhat isolated. Even if the whole nation is appalled by it all. The stats are 600 people dead and 250,000 displaced, hardly Rwanda but then hardly Kenya either.

And while this plays out I wait. I wait to hear if I'll be moving to Kenya. I've applied to work there for 2 years beginning January 2009. It's UN sponsored initiative amongst rural Masai. it would be a fascinating job in fascinating country. I'm supposed to hear this month. But is that going to be delayed by all this unrest?

The areas where I'd be potentially working are not hot beds of violence and have been unaffected by all this. And you know none of this scares me. I still want to go. But is this the right move for me? Well no sense worrying about that too much until I'm accepted and offered a job. Right now I'm just waiting. And it's still a calm waiting going on.

I wonder about God's plan for me in this. I kind of feel like I applied, I truly want this, and if it's right for me I'll have the opportunity. And that God's a part of that. Devoting myself to God and the discovery of who I am, as in who God created me to be, leads me to desire what God desires for me. Ideally I think that's true. But do I really desire this, or do I just want a change, and miss Kenya? I guess I'm waiting to know the real answer to that question too. But in the end I'll know.

2007-10-20T14:08:00.000-04:00

The Race Issue

Today South Africa and Englad will play for the Rugby World Cup. In the build up to the World Cup there has been this footage of South African winger Bryan Habana racing a cheetah showing up in the media. And I watch it and see all of these white people gauking at how fast this young man is as he takes on the world's fastest land mammal. I start to think, continue to think, and it doesn't sit well with me.

I can't help remembering something I read in Jesse Owens' book many years ago. Jesse Owens got to know the German sprinter he defeated in the Olympics and the two of them kept up correspondence for much of their lives. And as Jesse was writing his friend one time he recalls coming to tears as he wrote that he had recently raced a thoroughbred horse. He'd needed the money as he was finding it hard to make a living, and he'd been paid to race a thoroughbred horse. He found it so dehumanizing, as if the spectators saw him as every bit of an animal as the horse was. Placing bets on him and all that. Like it was a freak show.

So I see this young black man who's become the big star in South African rugby. And in South Africa rugby is till very much the passion of the white minority. And they set up a race between him and a cheetah? Now I'm naturally curious, and I wonder that if I was him it might be kind of cool to see if I could outrun a cheetah. But I wonder if at all felt like Jesse Owens? What do other black africans in South Africa see when they see this. Do they feel like one of their heroes has been reduced to a freak show for the powerful white minority.

I don't know, and I don't want to think the worst. But I think about it.

2007-09-13T16:33:00.000-04:00

An Oasis In A Turbulent Summer

I guess it was a few weeks ago now that I went to Chicago for a few days. There really wasn't any specific reason for the trip, aside from the fact that the Cubs are in a pennant race. I was lucky enough to score tickets for two of the games in their big showdown with the Brewers, so I planned a trip around that.

But anyway I had a morning and afternoon to fill while I was down there. So for part of that time I visited the Art Institute of Chicago. What an amazing place that is! I know very little about art, and I wouldn't even say it's a big passion of mine. But to put on my mp3 player and wander the building for several hours was quite enjoyable. The art on display at the AIC is quite spectacular and so I had that special balance of feeling relaxed yet visually stimulated at the same time. The artwork was quite engaging if and when something caught my attention enough for me stare at it for a while. You'd need a few days to really and entirely take that place in. I don't know if there's a way describe my experience that could do it justice. Other than to say hat to spend an afternoon that way was just what I needed.

My summer at the Gateway has been very intense. Emotionally, physically, and even psychologically. It started in late May and has just been becoming more and more intense since then. I can't say I've ever experienced a summer or maybe even another stretch of time quite like it. And it may have discouraged me to the point of not being able top cope or to even leave had it come 3 or 4 years ago. But now I'm experienced, maybe a little more healthy, and I think that a lot of the spiritual soul searching that I was doing in March and April prepared me for this. And I'm knocking on wood as I say this, but things are settling and I think that my work will become less intense in the near future. It's as if I can sense the coming calm. I sure hope I'm right.

Those three days away in Chicago were a nice oasis for me. The long drive, the exciting but familiar city, things that I love to immerse myself in, a comfortable hotel, good restaurants, it was all a good antidote for how consuming my job has been in recent months. I'm thankful for having the resources to be able to do a trip like that.

2007-09-12T16:06:00.000-04:00

Sad Today

I'm a little bummed out today because today was going to be the day that my sister Gab, my brother-in-law Alex, and my nephew Indiana were going to travel with me to go visit my Grandma. In fact we were going to see lots of relatives over the next few days.

But the little guy has been sick for a few days now, so Gab and Alex had to postpone their visit to Ontario. No one likes to fly on an airplane with a sick baby. And it's important to make sure he gets better. So I understand, but I'm missing them extra today.

I had also become quite excited about visiting some of my cousins and their families. We were all relatively close growing up and it's great to visit with them when I can. So maybe I'm double sad.

But I'll cope, and they'll visit sometime in the near future. I plan to go out to Gab and Alex's for Thanksgiving and that's not too far away. It's at times like this when I realize how much I really do love my family. And I do wish I lived closer to them. Although some of my cousins will remind me that I don't live that far away from them and I can visit whenever I want.

Some of you may know that I spent a week out my sister Gab's place in August. It was time where I needed some solitude and needed some time away from my busy life to recharge and refocus. And at that time I seriously began contemplating what was important in my life and what should be important in my life. And I'm still thinking about that. I'm thinking even more about making the changes necessary in order to make what's important to me prominent in my life. And it sound like I'm talking abut me a lot, but it's very much about living the life God wants me live. But I feel that that involves reflection upon who I've become and what's become important to me. So that continues.

One thing that I value very much is spending time with my two sisters and their families. And so there is the question of whether I need to live closer to them. Or if I don't, how do I ensure that I maintain a close relationship with them in spite of the physical distance? It's a question I mull over from time to time. And at times like these I really mull it over.

It's been a reflective day for me, and I did need one of those. I actually have a lot of thoughts and feelings, even some recent experience that I'd like to write about. So a priority over the next few days will be to take the time to work those out and express them here. I think that'd be good for me, and hopefully interesting for you.

Until then. until then.

2007-07-04T13:48:00.000-04:00

The Mountains of the Moon

Lately my thoughts and dreams have been pleasantly consumed by the idea of trekking in the Rwenzori Mountains. I'd love to go to Uganda and do that someday. I'm even contemplating budgeting some money and time to go do that. Too often I have these ideas and just let them go. Maybe that'll happen this time too, we'll see. But the idea of such an adventure has made for some pleasant day dreaming lately. Such a nice release from the mundane administrative work that I'm currently mired in.

2007-06-28T12:28:00.000-04:00

Salvation?

What every man looks for in life is his own salvation and the
salvation of the men he lives with. By salvation I mean first of all the full
discovery of who he himself really is. Then I mean something of the fulfillment
of his own God-given powers, in the love of others and of God. I mean also the
discovery that he cannot find himself in himself alone, but that he must find
himself in and through others. Ultimately, these propositions are summed up in
two lines of the Gospel: "If any man would save his life, he must lose it," and,
"Love one another as I have loved you." It is also contained in another saying
from St. Paul: "We are all members one of another."

Thomas Merton - No Man An Island

I really resonate with this. But it leads me to some important questions. I'm certainly discovering something about myself. I am becoming very inward focused when it comes to be my relationship with God, the focus being to allow God to shape me and in fact I believe that I will discover more about who I really am in this way. Ideally my outward living reflects this and is visible in a love for others, a focus on relationship. And as Merton writes there is a level of "salvation" in this. I don't know that I've ever thought of this process as salvation, but I get this. I think in practice I currently live this. And it is this "salvation" that I want others to experience.

But that's not the definition of "salvation" that most evangelicals would use or even accept. No "salvation" is being saved from going to hell. "Salvation" is being saved from a life of sin and self-destruction. But I'm realizing that I don't necessarily live this. If I did I'd have a lot more urgency in telling people about Christ, instead of the "relational ministry" I currently live out. Or would I?

My deep questions are as follows. Is there room for different types of salvation? If one were to just seek salvation from hell and not the discovery of who they really are 'in the love of God, and in others' well aren't they really missing something. To me that'd be kind of empty.

What do I really believe "salvation" is and do I live it? A part of this question is what do I believe about hell and do I live it.

Some more though and study is needed here. I plan to elaborate on this post in the near future, so check back if you want.

2007-06-23T11:03:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I was visiting my grandma. My cousin Jonathan and I went down for the day. My Dad and my aunt Jane were also there, and one of the stories that my grandma was really enjoying was the story about my nephew Indiana.

Indiana has started crawling. It happened a little over a week and a half ago while Gab, Alex, and Indiana were staying with my Dad in Saskatoon. My sister Karen was also visiting at the same time. Anyway Indiana started to crawl while he was there. Indeed he's been a very restless and squirmy baby for months now.

What you're seeing above is one of Indy's first crawling adventures. He gets himself moving, and his initial challenge is to avoid falling on his face or losing his back legs out from under him. But once he's moving he likes to go. And this time he saw the cat Walter. So he went straight toward Walter. Walter didn't know what to do. It wasn't long before Indiana had Walter backed into the corner and was pulling his tale. Oh that's a good nephew. I hate that stupid cat. I don't feel sorry for Walter, but he must have been confused. And he has no front claws so he really couldn't fight back. But that cat's probably not smart enough to think about that anyway. He chirps like a bird.

I wish I'd been around to see Indiana start crawling, but I'll bet my sister Gab would have loved to see the look on my grandma's face as she heard the story and laughed about it. That was a special joy too.

2007-06-15T14:02:00.000-04:00

Blessed Assurance

Glory be to God who has shown us the light!
Lead me from darkness to light,
Lead me from sadness to joy,
Lead me from death to immortality.
Glory be to God who has shown us the light!

So I was praying this this morning, ok I slept til almost noon, so it wasn't quite morning. But I was still praying this prayer, simply because it's the Friday morning prayer from The Glenstal Book of Prayer which I follow sometimes. And I thought about the words, and how much it would alter my perspective on things if I lived today truly believing what I was praying.

What assurance there is in knowing that you'll be lead from darkness to light, sadness to joy, death to immortality. And I've experienced it, if not it'd be so easy to question. It'd be so easy not to believe. But I can say that I experience this assurance and the truth that God does lead from darkness into light.

The difficult thing to come to terms with is that there will be darkness, there will be sadness, and there will be death. And it's hard to accept those things, it's hard to cope with them. When I pray I often have the urge to pray that there will be no darkness, sadness, or death. But I've experienced it all.

But when light comes out of darkness and when joy comes out of darkness it does seem like there is an immortality of spirit that conquers death. I don't know how to explain it, but I've experienced that. And there's an assurance in that. An example is what I felt once at a funeral for a friend who had died too young and who's life had ended in too much pain. As the people gathered and shared their stories the room became filled with joy. It was sombre, people were still sad at the loss of a friend. But there was the joy that he had once brought into our lives. There was light of what much of his life had been. There was the victory he had once had over his addictions and the darker sides of his life. He had recently succumbed to those things, but in this moment I found myself abel to let go of that sadness and take joy in the years of victory he'd had over those dark things. It was so important to be able to let go of our sadness over how he'd been suffering and how his life had descended into a self destructive state. Instead we embraced the joy of who he had been, the good times of his life when he'd been happy. And I started to think about him, and thinking that he was being liberated from his sad death and overcome by a spirit of immortality where he once again was full of light and joy.

Oh the power of this simple prayer. May I not forget it or take for granted the assurance it proclaims.

2007-06-12T01:23:00.000-04:00

Mmmmm.... Chicago

What you are looking at is a Chicago style hot dog. So that's a steamed poppy seed bun with an all beef frank. Then it's dressed (in the correct order, which isn't to be f'd with) with mustard, green relish, two tomato wedges above the frank, a pickle spear below, chopped white onions, sport peppers, and celery salt. Oh the craving.

I got craving one of these today as I was doing some planning for a trip to Chicago in July. I've organized a trip down there to see a couple of games at Wrigley Field. Seven of my friends will be coming, and it should be a fun road trip. I organized one of these trips last summer and it went well, so we decided to make it an anual thing. It'll be a larger group this year, twice the size. I'm starting to really look forward to it. But right now I'm just craving a hot dog, but not just any hot dog.

If someone opened a Chicago style hot dog stand in Toronto they'd certainly have at least one devoted customer. Portillo's, Wiener's Circle, please somebody.

Although I don't think you could replicate the Wiener's Circle, it's definitely one of a kind and more than a little crazy. Click here to see what I mean, so long as you can stomach the vulgarity.

2007-06-11T14:47:00.000-04:00

MILL-DOORS

You never come back.
I say good-by when I see you going in the doors,
The hopeless open doors that call and wait
And take you then for--how many cents a day?
How many cents for the sleepy eyes and fingers?

I say good-by because I know they tap your wrists,
In the dark, in the silence, day by day,
And all the blood of you drop by drop,
And you are old before you are young.

You never come back.

-Carl Sandburg, from Chicago Poems(1916)

When I'm at the shelter early in the morning, say from 4-7am, I see and talk to guys who are getting up and leaving for work. Guys who do this every morning, and they work hard. Most of them do work that I'd never want to do. They go every day, they work every day. I'm probably a lot more lazy than most of them. Yet they're paid poorly. They can't get by.

Often we're able to come along side and help these guys save their money, maybe get out from under their addictions, their debt, their vices, or whatever it may be that consumes a significant chunk of their meagre income. And when they get out from under that stuff they can afford to rent a room somewhere, or a small apartment. But they still just barely get by.

They work so hard just to "get by". That's got to be hard for a grown man to come to terms with, particulalry when more of your working life is behind you than what's in front of you. And I start to understand how they fall into their addictions and their vices. Indeed they may feel that they need those things just to "get by". It is as if they have lost themselves. How do we help them get back what they've lost? Can we? Do we do enough? What is enough?

Carl Sandburg's words couldn't ring more true when I think of many men that I know. Those words "you never come back".

2007-06-07T06:41:00.000-04:00

Good reading over on Dan Sheffield's blog this morning. Check out this post on scriptural holiness. It served as a valuable though for me as I was about to begin my day.

The ills of this age are too deep to be cured by religious or intellectual
hocus pocus.
J.E. Kalas

2007-06-06T11:30:00.000-04:00

slacktivist: google, left behind, and pluralism

I don't know if any of you have discovered slacktivist amongst the links here on my blog. But it's a blog that I've been getting a lot of enjoyment out of lately. You kind of have to get your head in, but once you do it can be both funny and thought provoking.

Today's entry about google is worth a chuckle. I'm a particularly big fan of how slacktivist will take excerpts of the Left Behind books and cut them up. Good exegesis. He does this every Friday, or as some have come to call them "Left Behind Fridays". I know I make way over to slacktivist every Friday for the latest installment. Follow this link to read some of these gems.

Anyway I read something on this site about a week ago that I've thought about off and on since then. It's about pluralism. I used to view pluralism as bit of a bad word. My thinking and understanding has evolved since then, but I would still probably define pluralism as the belief that "all roads lead to God". You know the belief that one follows the religious tradition of their choice, and in the end we're all worshiping the same God. That's what I think pluralism is and I wouldn't call myself a pluralist.

In this piece entitled totalitarains vs pluralists, well I saw a different definition of pluralism. Someone named Eboo Patel is quoted as saying "... A pluralist is someone who seeks to live with people who are different, be enriched by them, and peacefully coexist in the world together."

Well I think I believe in that, I mean to say that I very much believe in peacefully coexisting with people who are different. Different religious beliefs or otherwise.

Here's more, and I might add that I appreciate the writers use of scripture here.

This talk of living with, of peacefully coexisting, and particularly of being
"enriched by" people of other faiths and perspectives would not sit well with
many of the fundamentalists in the church and school I attended as a child.
Their response to such talk would be to recite a passage otherwise usually
reserved for explaining why we shouldn't date infidels (I'll quote from the King
James Version, because it's their favorite):

Be ye not unequally yoked
together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with
unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord
hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an
infidel?

That's from 2 Corinthians 6, a passage that concludes with the motto of the
Amish: "Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate."
The Amish
take this a bit more extravagantly than most Christians do, but they also take
this passage too seriously not to notice that it speaks of "coming out" and
"being separate" -- not of conquest, domination and enforced hegemony. Paul does not say, "Wherefore, take ye back America."

The "separateness" Paul speaks of
is to be characterized, he says in the same chapter, by "giving no offense in
any thing," by "kindness" and by "love unfeigned." All of which sounds a great
deal like Eboo Patel's desire for "peacefully coexisting." The very same
characteristics Paul describes as separating "light from darkness" also
characterize what separates religious pluralists from religious totalitarians.

That's a good thought. And if you were to define "pluralism" in the way it is discussed in this piece I'd probably allow myself to be called a pluralist. Certainly our varying definitions of words like "pluralism" can lead to a lot of misunderstanding as we're so quick to label and take offence to what we think another believer might believe.

2007-06-05T17:55:00.000-04:00

Tanzania

Tanzania has been on my mind lately. It's a place I've always wanted to visit. Sometimes I read The Rough Guide To Tanzania just to get my imagination running. I imagine places, imagine myself visiting those places, plan the adventures in my mind. One of the many joys of reading travel books.

There's a girl from my church in Tanzania right now on a missions trip. So that's what got my thinking about Tanzania again, initially.

But more recently I've met a man from Tanzania who is staying at our shelter. He's a gentle and soft spoken person, very likeable. He and I have hit it off well. We talk about East Africa. I'll tell him about my year in Kenya and how much I enjoyed it. He can talk about Kenya too, as he's travelled there and has family there. And then he'll tell me about his life in Tanzania and I just soak it all in. I love learning more about the place and what it was like for him living there. He'll tell me about hunting adventures (he once shot a lion), camping safaris, the people he knew, his business, and so much more. And I'm interested in it all. I enjoy the stories.

This guy told me about a place where he used to volunteer in Mwanza. The place is called the Street Children's Centre. It's housed in an old library that had long ceased operation when they found the space. Now it's a community centre, geared toward youth. They brought a chef in from Italy to teach some of the street kids how to make pizza and bread. And so they now have a cafe in there where they sell fresh bread and pizza. Many former street kids work there. Some of those kids were able to go to university both in Tanzania and abroad as a part of this program. I didn't quite catch all of the details as to how the whole thing worked. But it sounded quite cool.

Wouldn't I just love to go live in Tanzania and work with street kids in a place like this? The thoughts of living abroad and being a part of something that empowers the local poor, well it sounds so exciting. Sometimes I wonder if the stage of my life where I might just up and do something like that is behind me? Oh well I still think and dream.

My sister Karen has been to Mwanza. She took the train there from Tabora, and I've heard all about it. She was living near Tabora for a while because she was working with some missionary doctors who visited rural areas to provide basic medical care. So below you'll see a picture of Karen scowling at a chicken. Let me tell you about that.

In Africa most people don't go out and by packaged cuts of chicken at the grocery store or even the butcher when they plan to have chicken for dinner. Instead they go to the market and by a live chicken, and then kill and butcher it themselves when the time comes. So it's not uncommon to see people carrying a live chicken around, usually with it's feet neatly tied. And it's not uncommon for people in rural areas to pay for things with a chicken.

Well at one of the travelling clinics that mys siter was a part of, a man paid for his medication with a chicken. Well Karen took it upon herself to watch the chicken. So she kind of made an enclosed area for it, she brought it some water. And the Tanzanians were already finding it funny that a grown woman was treating a chicken like a pet. But then chicken started to get fussy. It squawked, and it knocked over the dish of water. My sister is kind of scared of live panicky creatures when they get active. So she screamed and jumped back, and of course the room erupted in the laughter of every Tanzanian who was there. Apparently the little kids found it particularly funny to see a mzungu so scared of a chicken.

One of the Tanzanians who was part of the field team my sister was with gathered up the chicken, gave it back to it's owner, and then went and found Karen to tell her it was ok. So poor Karen had to come back and try to do her work whilst everyone else giggles and makes jokes about here chicken encounter. How embarrassing.

So on the way back home from this the group my sister was a part of made a quick stop for gas or something. And while they're stopped one of the African guys goes and buys himself a chicken. And then he sits next to Karen in the van and keeps setting the chicken close to her, letting it try to peck at her. I think he bought the chicken just to bug her. When Karen told me that part of it I laughed quite a bit, because I know I would've done the same thing. I should write that African guy a thank you note for teasing my sister so well when her big brother wasn't around to do so.

Maybe Karen and I will visit Tanzania together sometime, and if we do I might just buy a chicken over there. Oh I could sneak into her backpack when she's not looking, that'd be good.

2007-06-05T12:43:00.000-04:00

the weakerthans, recovery, reflection, and the longing for a new kind of journey

Had one of those days when you want to try heroin, drunk driving,
some form of soft suicide. Sitting in silence and staring at ceilings or peeling
the paint off of things to confide.

-the weakerthans, leash

Oh today is one of those days. I feel so exhausted and even broken. I feel lonely, yet I feel the need to be alone. I feel like there are things I'd like to do, yet I lack the motivation to do them. There is so much in my life for me to enjoy, yet at the moment I am unable to take joy in anything. I know that I've done a lot of of good hard work lately yet I feel inadequate and as if I'm failing everyone around me. The harsh feelings that have crept up on me ever so subtly.

At the same time I know these feelings, and the need to both accept the reality of them but resist the despair and self-loathing. Which is part of the reason that I am not at work today. Today and tomorrow are for me, for me to recover.

I should probably fill you all in on how my weekend went, even if it comes at the risk of boring you with the details of my job.

So Saturday evening I find out that the frontline staff where I work are short staffed. We've had some of our frontline workers leave us recently. We've hired new people, but the training and getting them up to speed is still in process. Which has been a source of extra work and even a little anxiety for me. So we're at a stage that where it's hard to fill shifts, hard to find coverage when people are sick, and just a hard time to keep the shelter staffed and running. And this is a lot of work for me. The unfortunate thing is that every time someone calls in sick right now it feels like a kick to the stomach. It feels this way because I know how hard it will be to find coverage, and I often end up covering the shift myself. And that was the case Saturday night.

This meant not being able to be at church on Sunday morning. I haven't been able to be there for 5 Sundays now, and I really wanted to be there amongst people I both miss and love. Worse yet was that this Sunday I had a few responsibilities on Sunday morning which I had to bail on last minute. It was really too late to call anybody. I hope that they managed ok, but I hated to leave them hanging. I hate that I can't be relied on at church lately. I'm certainly putting their grace and understanding to the test, and I hate that. I even have the urge to hate myself for that.

So I worked frontline on Saturday night, and due to a coverage gap I was already going to work Sunday night. I did enjoy my work, I enjoyed the company of those whom I worked with, and I enjoyed the interaction with the residents. I enjoy frontline work. Sometimes I wish that I could leave my job behind and just work frontline on the night shift. Less responsibility, less worry, more difficult work, but work I love. Other times I realize that after a while the grind of frontline would get to me just as the grind of my current job sometimes gets to me.

Monday morning went well. I had some pleasant conversations with some pleasant people before going home to sleep. Oh the sleep, but somewhere in the midst of the sleep I got a phone call to tell me that someone had called in sick for the 12-12 shift and we couldn't find relief to provide coverage. So I authorized the overtime so that they could call full timers, knowing someone who'd just worked a three day weekend would have to come in and work an extra shift. I didn't like the idea of someone having to do that, and I think that had I been able I'd have gone back in. But somehow I was able to go back to sleep not worrying about whether or not they'd cover the shift. I guess deep down I knew things would work out. But at the same time I did have that feeling whereby I just didn't care anymore.

Monday evening was painful. I felt the worst of me coming out. I went in to work because there was a new trainee coming in whom I needed to touch base with. But when I arrived I had two residents stop me at the door. One was trying to go above the frontline workers heads by coming to me over something simple. That kind of ticks me off, especially when I'm tired and not ready for it. Instead of handling it gracefully I handled it awkwardly. The other guy had been told to talk to me about something that really isn't my responsibility, but I could have handled it well. Instead I just sort of handled it. I entered the building in a somewhat flustered state. I made it through what I had to do, and I think that I did things well enough. But I felt on edge the whole time, I worried that some good people may have caught some of that edge, I worried that I'd inflicted some hurt that I didn't want to inflict, and I didn't embrace and enjoy my conversation with the residents while I was there. For me it was a bad night. I suspect that few people noticed, nothing awful happened, and I likely handled myself rather well. But on the inside I felt tired and irritable.

I've had a couple of weekends like this in a row now. I'm weathering a storm. I feel like I'm about to crack. Yet I don't actually crack. I need to remember that I may actually be doing my job well and holding things together under difficult circumstances. I hope I am making things easier on my coworkers by working all of these frontline hours. But I believe that Satan attacks us when we're tired and exhausted. The self doubt, the feelings of inadequacy, the self hatred it's upon me and it's the work of the evil one. Or is it just my own depravity? Are those the same thing? Either way I feel broken and run down at a time when my actions and commitment are actually strong and reassuring to those around me. Or at least I'd like to think that.

My co-workers have been very supportive lately. I work with good people who've done their jobs well and kept the shelter running well simply by doing what they always do. Other people have put in some extra hours and I have appreciated that. What I've appreciated more than anything are the positive conversations with co-workers. Light hearted conversation, most of it. Some have offered words of encouragement. Some I can just tell that they appreciate the extra work I'm doing, yet they feel for me at the same time. But all of that just reminds me of what I like about the place where I work. The pleasant ineraction with my co-workers has decreased the distance I feel from others when I really want to cut myself off and not care about anyone, not even myself.

I've been through times like this before, and I think that there may be a difference this time. This time I have hope, and this time I have some comfort. Let me share with you something I read recently. It comes from The Philokalia which is a collection of texts on prayer and the spiritual life that was written in the 4th and 5th centuries by spiritual masters of the Orthodox Christian tradition. I've made it a part of my daily reading and prayer time recently. The following comes from the writing of St. Symeon The New Theologian in the section entitled "On Faith".

And this was as it should be; for the love of that for which he was searching
took him out of the world, beyond nature and all material things, filling him
wholly with the Spirit and transforming him into light. And all this happened to
him while he was living in the middle of the city, and was steward of a house,
having in his charge slaves and free men and carrying out all the tasks
incumbent on such a life.

Some of you may know that I've been searching lately. I've been desperately searching for what the next step is in my life. What does God want of me, where is he leading me? I've fasted, devoted myself to the study of scripture, meditation, contemplative prayer. I've sought solitude. I've sought God and His presence. And in all that I don't know if I have any clear answers to my questions, but I do feel God guiding me. I do feel God making some things clear to me.

The thing that is clear to me and perhaps the reason that the writing of St. Symeon really resonated with me was that I don't need to seek clear answers to my questions. I've been seeking God, to dwell in his presence, and that is the answer. My faith in God and my actively experiencing God is what shapes me and gives me direction.

What got me about that text was the last part. It talks of a young man immersed in a busy life, in fact a busy job. Probably every bit as busy as the one I have. Likely every bit as taxing. This young man probably felt a lot of what I feel sometimes. I want to retreat, I want to escape the responsibility, I want to care less, I think about doing something else, I think about moving somewhere else. Yet this young man sought God in all of that, and in all of that he was able to carry out his duties and live his life in a way where the "Spirit transformed him into light".

No matter where I go or what I do, isn't that the answer? So as I look at where God is leading me, I think it has more to do with how I live and how I work than where I live or where I work. I think for right now I stay where I am and turn myself inward toward God, whom I know dwells within me. I allow my life to take shape as inspired by my creator and my devotion to Him. And you know that both scares and comforts me at the same time. But I know I've lived too much of my life on my own and for myself, and my life often feels like it's in shambles because of it. Whether it actually is in shambles or not.

Oh the incessant thought which leads to incessant rambling. Thank you for taking the time to read it all.

2007-06-01T15:03:00.000-04:00

Thomas Merton, Desmond Tutu, Africa, and a church obsessed.

There's something I read a couple of weeks ago that really stuck with me. So much so that I wrote it down in my journal. It comes from a book by Thomas Merton entitled "Contemplative Prayer". The quote is as follows:

In order to avoid apparent evil, the pseudo-goodness will ignore
the summons of genuine good. It will prefer routine duty to courage and
creativity. In the end it will be content with established procedures and safe
formulas, while turning a blind eye to the greatest enormities of injustice and
uncharity. p.104

I think sometimes a quote sticks with you and you end up thinking about most deeply in an entirely different context from which it was read or written. But that's not always a reason to dimiss what you think and what you feel.

I was more recently reading an article in which Archbishop Desmond Tutu was criticizing the Anglican church of Africa and it's obsession with the issue of gay priests and same sex marriages. To quote that article:

He said: "We've, it seems to me, been fiddling whilst as it were our
Rome was burning. At a time when our continent has been groaning under the
burden of HIV/Aids, of corruption.

"There are so many issues crying out for concern and application by the
church of its resources, and here we are, I mean, with this kind of
extraordinary obsession."

Anyone who has visited Africa can attest to what I am about to say. There are people who live comfortably in Africa, and you can visit Africa and enjoy all of life's modern comforts. But the majority of people live in abject poverty. The injustices of corruption, inequality, tribalism, greed, and oppression are more visible and prevelant in Africa than perhaps on any other continent. The legacy of colonialism and foreign exploitation is still alive and well. And the people of Africa suffer.

So what of the church? Africa is also a very "Christian" continent. Yet what are the believers, the Christ-followers, doing to right the injustices that are so much a part of today's Africa? What do they do to address the suffering around them? What do they do to empower the poor and oppressed, so that justice might prevail?

Well in the Anglican Church they've become comfortable opposing the Europeans and North Americans over the issue of same sex marriage. The African Anglicans are known for what they're opposed to. They are at the conservative heart of the Anglican Church worldwide. But doesn't the African church have the opportunity to be at the forefront on issues of social justice, of empowering the poor, of caring for another? What if they were known for that?

In fact the Anglican Church in Africa is likely just as guilty of what so many church bodies throughout the world are guilty of. Being complacent, being conservative, doing church. The routine duties, established procedures, and safe formulas. Meanwhile the poor suffer, the systems that allow and in fact cause such suffering thrive, and there is no justice.

So I thought back to Thomas Merton and wondered about a church that seems to be "turning a blind eye to the greatest enormities of injustice and uncharity". Is this something that the church as a whole does too often? Is it fair to say that we get caught up in the the issues and points of disagreement within our own bodies an focus our energies there, when we could focus our energies toward doing the things we agree upon and believe in? The world could see a church that is for the poor and the suffering, against corruption and greed. The continent of Africa could see such a church. Instead there's a church that seems on the brink of tearing itself apart over the issue of homosexuality.

Wherever you might stand on the debates raging withing the Anglican church over homosexuality, I would hope that you could appreciate the point that Desmond Tutu is making here. I think it is a very valuable one and would pray that the Anglican churches of Africa would reconsider where they stand and what action they should take on issues of corruption, injustice, and the poverty that afflicts so many around them both inside and outside of their congregations.

Thoughts?

2007-05-25T00:55:00.000-04:00

U2charist

I'm sitting at home listening to the new Wilco album, which I am enjoying immensely. However I could be listening to U2. In fact if I wanted I could go hear a cover band play some U2 on Saturday night as part of the Eucharist (that's Anglican speak for communion service).

A co-worker and I were walking back to the shelter after ducking out for some Mexican food when we saw a poster advertising a "U2charist" at a nearby Anglican church. And a high Anglican church at that. I guess a U2charist is a Eucharist where U2 songs are used in lieu of hymns and service music. I guess it's common enough that it's made Wikipedia.

Now if you haven't said it already you can say it with me "what in the (insert expletive here)"!?

Now hopefully you didn't insert an expletive that was blasphemous, because then you would be guilty of the same thing I think this "U2charist" is guilty of. Quoting wikipedia: "Some have suggested that the use of U2's music is inappropriate for a Eucharist service, pointing to both the unconventional mixture of the secular and the holy. Indeed, some have asked whether using secular music is pandering in way that dilutes the power of the Eucharistic liturgy." Do you think?

Here's an overview of what such a service might look like:

A Holy Eucharist for Ordinary Time - U2charist
Preludes Alleluiah, Pride (In the Name of Love) and Where the Streets Have no Name
Opening Hymn Mysterious Ways
Opening Acclamation
Collect for Purity
Song of Praise Elevation
Collect of the Day
Readings
Sermon
Sermon Response One
Creed
Prayers of the People addressing the MDG’s in particular
Collect after the prayers 40
Confession and Absolution
Celebration of Absolution When Love Comes to Town
The Peace
Offertory Love and Peace or Else
The Great Thanksgiving
Communion Hymns Yahweh, Miracle Drug
Prayer after receiving
Benediction
Closing hymn Beautiful Day
Dismissal
Postlude Peace On Earth/Walk On from America: Tribute to Heroes (sends the congregation out on Alleluias)

If you're like me you may have chuckled a little to see "miracle drug" used as a communion hymn. And for me that's the issue in something like this. Should communion be a part of a service like this. Is the Eucharist cheapened when combined with popular culture in this way. Communion is a beautiful act (some might even say ritual) that should be very meaningful to those who practice it. Those who take communion should understand the significance of it. And I do think that it needs to be treated with reverence. I fear that too much of that would be lost in a "U2charist".

I could see something like this, when done well, being a good event to attract people who don't normally attend church (or get anything from it). You can use the lyrics of U2 sings to generate discussion about spiritual issues. But where I see it potentially crossing the line into blasphemy is that Holy Communion is a part of the service. I'm generally an open minded and creative person, but I do think that communion is something that should not be messed with.

I also wonder who is being worshiped in a service like this? It's often done to raise awareness and support for world relief and development in accordance with Bono's Millenium Development goals. A laudable cause, but should communion be a part of that?

Oh well, maybe God still uses things like this. Misguided or not. What do you think?

As I think about I think back to my past. I once was a part of a ministry whereby we'd often use popular culture as a vehicle to attract people to church, stimulate thought, and ultimately present the gospel. In fact I was a part of the creative brain trust who'd create an plan much of that. And it was effective. Non-believers would come, they'd become interested, and they'd keep coming. The teaching was rooted in scripture, and there was other programming in place to encourage and nurture spiritual growth and understanding. It was an exciting time in my life and an exciting thing to be a part of.

But my life has changed. I wonder if I believe as strongly in the idea of attracting people to church and then presenting a message that is intended for the unchurched. I don't want to discount it. I know too many people who have come to faith that way and their lives have been forever altered by it. I could even say that I grew immensely from being a part of church that was so intentional about bringing unchurched people to faith.

However I am currently very much about living a life in a way that truly reflects my ongoing and ever evolving relationship with God as well as the person of Christ. And of course I am a very imperfect person who is too often a poor reflection of my God and my Saviour. But to be real and authentic about my faith is of utmost important to me. I feel that when Christians are serious about living that way, both individually and collectively, people notice. There is something about it that is respected and even attractive to others, whether they really know what it is or not. Through our constant witness of God's powerful presence and the person of Christ people will want to know more. It's not about attracting people to church, it's about being authentic and faithful to God in all walks of life. To submit to His direction. I belong to a church that encourages and nurtures that amongst it's congregation, and unchurched people have come to faith as a result of it their lives being forever altered.

The contrast to me is very noticeable as I look back at my life and how it's evolved. I'm thankful to have experienced what I've experienced.

2007-05-04T18:58:00.000-04:00

Manitoba

That's where I am. I got into Winnipeg this morning at 11:30 and killed some time at the airport before my ground transport to Brandon was scheduled to leave. I've gotten quite familiar with the Winnipeg airport and find it very easy to find quiet and comfortable spaces there. I kind of even enjoy killing time at that airport, if I have to kill time.

I've been at my sisters for a few hours now and have enjoyed her company. I've also enjoyed playing with my nephew Inidiana. I've learned that he is very fond of mirrors, and he loves to be bounced around on my knee. In fact he likes being bounced on my knee so much that I get tired of it long before he does. I'm looking forward to more discoveries like these.

I'm also out here just to get away from Toronto, away from my work, and away from responsibility. I can just clear my head and think. I plan to spend several hours a day in prayer and contemplative thought, just being silent before God and experiencing his presence. Maybe I'll even have an experience like Frank Black sings about in his song "Manitoba".

Up in Manitoba
The sky was very blue
The people were a few
And nights were never
colder
Once I heard a wailing sound
The sky had turned to red
So I got up from
my bed
And I wandered far from town
I have seen the face of God
And I was not
afraid
I have seen the face of God
And I have dearly paid

Or maybe nothing like that, I just dig the song.

2007-04-29T15:36:00.000-04:00

I Dream Of Africa

On nice Sunday afternoons I occasionally think back to that magical year in my life when I lived in Kenya. And one thing I remember fondly is that on some Sundays we'd pack a cooler full of food into our Peugot before we left for church. That would mean that after church we were going to Lake Nakuru National Park for the afternoon.

How I loved that place. We'd drive through the park gates and look with enjoyment at all of the monkeys that seemed to always congregate there. And you know before long we'd see some waterbuck and some warthogs. The warthogs always ran away, with their tails up. And then we'd drive up to the edge of the lake and marvel at all of the flamingoes.

The flamingoes would fly away if you got too close. But if you stayed still you'd soon be surrounded by a see of pink. And that's what we'd do, sit there and eat our lunch while the flamingos surrounded us. At that time it was said that there were almost aways at least 1 million flamingoes on that lake.

And then we'd get in the car and explore the park, looking for animals. I remember one particular Sunday afternoon we came upon a very large herd of giraffe. I think that there were at least 50 animals. And there were several baby giraffe with their mothers. My dad turned off the car and we just quietly watched the giraffe for what seemed like an infinite amount of time, in fact it was as if time stood still. Giraffe are amazing animals, particularly in the wild. So graceful and they seem so delicate. They delicately pluck the leaves off of the thorny acacia trees with their long tongues. They glide across the ground almost as if they're flying, and it looks like everything they do is in slow motion. But you can drive alongside a giraffe which seems to be running in slow motion and find that it's actually moving at a high speed.

Anyway these giraffe weren't running. But they were eating, they were play fighting with their long necks, they were moving gracefully. They were being giraffes, and what an experience it was just to sit there in awe of them. And then it started to rain, and the air had that fresh rain smell. Still we sat there with the windows down taking it all in. How beautiful those yellow acacia forests were in the rain. After a while the giraffe began to move away from the road, and then we started the car and drove home. An unforgettable memory. Oh I miss Africa.

NOTE: This is a picture of a giraffe, but not from the same day that I've described above. It wasn't even taken in the same place. In fact it's a different species of giraffe. But well it's a giraffe, in Kenya, that we saw. Just in another place at a different time.

2007-04-26T09:50:00.000-04:00

a priceless cup of tea with an old friend

There's a quiet man who stays at the shelter who looks familiar to me. He very much reminds of a man I used to visit 7 or 8 years ago. This man slept just inside the doors of the common entrance to a shopping centre over on Spadina in Chinatown. At least once a week and sometimes twice a week I would go there in the evening when the streets were quiet and the shopping centre had long been closed. This guy would be there, huddled up in a corner. You could easily walk by and not notice him. I'd open the doors and walk toward him. It'd taken a while to earn his trust but he knew who I was and he'd sit up and let me approach. I'd smile and offer him a pair of socks, which he'd always take and then he'd smile back. He didn't often take food, I got the impression that he wasn't comfortable with western food. He never took coffee, but always socks. It got to where I'd take him 4 or 5 pairs of socks each time I'd visit. And our "visit" wasn't much more than exchanging smiles as he accepted my gift of new socks.

He had a gentle face and looked hopelessly naive. I felt sad for him and appreciated him at the same time. He looked like someone who'd been left in a strange place with no one to love him or even know him by name. He told me his name, and I'd call him by it. But he spoke no English, so all we had were our smiles.

This gentleman in our shelter now looks a lot like him. He reminds me of him, and he goes by the same name. He says the name in the same way, and he even has that same lost naive look. So I wonder if it's the same guy? Could it be him, 7 years later. That's so sad if it is him. I wonder if this man is really that old, but maybe he is. Oh I don't know, but the similarities are haunting.

I've gotten to know the current version of this man a little. About as much as you can get to know someone with whom you can't communicate. I think he knows I'm friendly and appreciates my smile. I think that he appreciates that I'll sit at the same table as him, even when few others do. I hope that he knows I'm a friend. I feel like I can see it in his eyes, that he trusts me. Perhaps remembers me? No it's not even the same guy, or if it is he wouldn't possibly remember. I just wish I could ask him.

In recent weeks I've tried to talk to him, in mandarin. Now his first language, and perhaps only language, is Vietnamese. But maybe he knows a little mandarin. I went to Taiwan last year and came back knowing two words of mandarin, and I can hardly even pronounce them. But I thought why not use them around this guy and see if he reacts. So I've started with one, "ni hao" which I think means hello. He smiles when I say it.

So last night I sat beside him and said "ni hao". He looked miserable, and in fact he's been very sick. I don't think he's been eating. But he did manage a small smile. And so I sat there for a while and he looked at me and fidgeted with his pendant. After a little while I got up to do a few things. And then I went to my office and in my office I've got all the stuff you need to make a good cup of tea. And I have some Chinese tea in there, real good black Chinese tea. I started to wonder if my friend in the drop-in might be familiar with that tea. Would he like some? So I made enough for two cups, and then I went back down to the drop-in. And I presented him with a cup of my precious tea. I live simply but sometimes I spend more money than most people would for imported tea leaves, from places like China.

So I placed the cup in front of him and he looked puzzled. I'm not sure if he really wanted to take it, perhaps he wondered if it was ok. Could I really be trusted, was I really giving him something. Or maybe he just felt too sick to think about drinking tea. But then I sat down at the table and began sipping my tea. After a while he picked up his mug and held it to his nose. He was sniffing the aroma of the tea. And then he began to drink it. His eyes opened wider than I've ever seen them open before and his smile was brighter than I've ever seen him smile. He nodded his head a little and looked at me, saying "xie xie" which means "thank you".

What a wonderful moment that was. I could see that it was special to him to experience such thoughtful kindness. A familiar gift from a foreign person in a foreign place. But it may have been more special to me. I must have had a glow about me for the rest of the night. Just that small little exchange of a few words, smiles, and a cup of tea. This will be a precious memory for me for a long time.

2007-04-21T11:50:00.000-04:00

The Week That Was

I think that most of us in North America have been quite shaken by the awful shooting at Virginia Tech this past week. I certainly was, but actually not that much.

For whatever reason something like that is just another awful thing that happened someplace else to me. It's awful, and I was saddened to hear about it. But it didn't hit closer to home because it was in the US. In fact this week I was much more grieved to hear about the heavy fighting in Mogadishu. It's been going on for four days now.

The violence in Somalia hits close to home for me, and a for a handful of reasons. The first being that my church is located in anarea where many Somali refugees have come to live. Over the years as our church has sought to embrace our neighbours, so too have I embraced them. I have fond memories of teaching Somali kids to read english, helping them with their homework, playing with them, and I could go on. But over the past 3 to 4 years I've followed the situation in Somalia closely. I read about the peace talks, the peace agreement, the election of a president, and in fact I joined some of my Somali friends in their celebration of those things. But then there's been the collapse of peace, the failure of new agreements, the increased intensity of fighting, a people who are absorbed in fighting and violence whether they want to be or not. And I grieve for those people, I know some of those people, they are my friends, they are my friends' families.

The second reason is that I once lived in Kenya. And so I am well aware of how the lawlessness and chaos in Somalia has disrupted that entire region. In Kenya a lot of the most violent crime is perpetrated by somali rebels and bandits, or just gangs who fund their operations by selling stuff to somali warlords. As a result of this somalis are looked down upon in Kenya and other East African countries. So you get a level of racial prejudice and hatred growing throughout the region. And a Kenyan might feel that the situation in Somalia is ruining their country too.

So I have my own bias as to what violence and tragedy greatly impacts me. And it's very different form what the media hypes. So I sometimes wonder if I'm a little cold and desensitized when I a massacre at Virginia Tech doesn't throw me into a frenzy of sadness. I probably am. At the same time I know that I am not cold and heartless, because I cringe when I read news about Somalia. I am thrown into a frenzy of sadness when I hear of awful acts of violence, people being displaced, and other awful things. But like most of us I hear so much, or if I so choose I hear very little, of the awful things that go on in this world as a result of our own evil doing that I'm desensitized. And some things break through that desensitization and hit close to the heart much more than other things do. I can't beat myself up over that too much, it's the reality of this world and this time, but it is an awful reality that I shouldn't make lite of. Collectively we should all be grieved by what we see the world over. And I'd still count myself as one who grieves for the world and it's people.

2007-04-19T10:26:00.000-04:00

Get out the way, move!

I just read this blog entry about something that's happening in Nashville, TN and it speaks to something that I see where I live and where I work. And that is the gentrification strategies of large urban areas, whereby they try to move undesireable people away from the places that they want to develop or "gentrify". The whole idea of this sort of gentrification sickens me, I may blog more specifically about that later. But I'd encourage you to read this in the meantime.

Below is an excerpt.

Although some city officials will site public safety issues as the reason
for pressing public feeding groups to conform to codes, that is just a cover for
the real motivation, which is the hoped for eradication of all homeless people
from downtown. It is figured that if forced to comply with city codes, the pubic
feeding programs will just quit. Some do quit when pressured by the police, a
few continue on - mostly because of their strong belief that God has called them
to this ministry. Still, the real motivation is money. For the sake of newly
inspired property developers catering to wealthy tread setter who have decided
that Urban Living is the next IN thing, many city officials willingly subjugate
themselves. The only thing is, homeless people as neighbors is not so IN.

2007-04-19T09:46:00.000-04:00

Moravian Watch

Yesterday I got thinking about some of the most effective prayer tools I've ever used. And I remembered a time when I was praying through the "moravian watch", or so I thought I was. Through some research I've come to realize that the "moravian watch" was actually a 100 year period where members of a Moravian church in the community of Herrnhut came together daily for an hour to pray. This dedication to prayer transformed the community and in fact inspired a significant missionary movement as well. You can read more here.

I guess their format, or method for prayer was what I'd come to know as the "moravian watch". When John Wesley travelled to North America he was on a boat with some Moravians and was inspired and moved by their daily commitment to come together and pray. Now either he wrote a prayer book, or somebody compiled his notes and came up with a prayer book, well I don't even know. But I used to have this prayer book that was to be used for groups who'd commit themselves to praying together 1 hour each day, like the Moravians. It had a format laid out, but it also had several prayers that could be read and prayed in unison. Some of those prayers were from the Moravian church, some were from the Church of England, and there were more. It was a cool book.

I went through it for a while, but more for personal prayer time. That in itself was quite powerful. But I then took a group of teenagers through it, where we'd get together to pray every week and we'd use this book. That was incredible. I was kind of surprised that teenagers who'd never really practiced any sort of prayer discipline, and probably didn't understand corporate prayer in such a traditional sense would get into it. But they did, and it was quite cool.

I was 22 back then. And it kind of saddens me that I'm only now regaining the appetite for a disciplined prayer life, such as what I had back then.

I've since lost that book. Or maybe it's in one of the many boxes I have that haven't been unpacked for a long time, but every time I move they make the move with me. Someday I should probably unpack those boxes. Someday I should set up my apartment and unpack everything. Oh sometimes I shudder at the level of laziness that I've become comfortable with. And then I do nothing about it.

2007-04-09T19:12:00.000-04:00

Easter Weekend

I've been telling people that this past weekend was one of the most spiritually meaningful Easter weekends that I've ever experienced. And it's true, but I'm not sure that I can explain it. If you read my blog from Thursday you'd already know that lent turned into a very intense time of submission for me. And as I submitted myself to God's direction it became uncomfortable for me.

Well the comfort and the peace came this weekend. The Maundy Thursday service was where it really happened. The Good Friday service was quite powerful as well. I was one of several members who were asked to read a passage of scripture, reflect upon it, and extinguish a candle. I felt like I spoke well and a few people told me that they were challenged by what I had said. So I'm glad that my contribution to the service was well received. But I really appreciated the other readings and reflections. Plus we sang some good hymns with powerful words, and I always like that. And the atmosphere at the end of the service as we left in silence, people whispering their goodbyes and giving farewell hugs was quite moving for me. It reminded my of what wonderful church community I belong to.

I participated in serving communion to shut ins on Friday, and that was a special experience as well. I enjoyed spending the afternoon with our senior pastor, who has certainly become a friend of mine over the years. And I was kind of overdue to spend some time with him.

Saturday was a day to be lazy and just do whatever. But I spent a good amount of time in reflection and prayer and that was meaningful.

Easter Sunday was special too. I felt celebratory and happy and really enjoyed being at church amongst my church friends. Our church is full of wonderful ladies who like to cook and that was evident at the morning breakfast. The "cheese on a bun" was so good, and the name hardly does it justice (I think it's Jamaican). I could have eaten that stuff all morning, and in fact I kind of did that. And yes the service was powerful and meaningful.

I came away from this weekend feeling renewed, with a sense of purpose, and feeling excited about where God has led me thus far. It was a far cry from how I'd felt only a few days before.

So last year I was in Taiwan for Easter visiting friends and this year I was by myself in Toronto, but it didn't suck. I'll remember this Easter for quite some time.

2007-04-07T14:50:00.000-04:00

Last Year

Today I got to thinking about how last year I didn't really experience much of an Easter, but the reason for that was a good one. I was in Taiwan visiting my very good friend Chester and his wife Nevada. And what a wonderful time it was.

Chester is one of my best friends, there's no question about that. You only have so many close friends in a lifetime and it's a shame to lose touch with a close friend. Lord knows I've allowed that to happen too often to too many close friends. So for that reason alone it was worth crossing the ocean to visit Chester, and for that reason I need to make plans to make that trip again. But aside from that I love to travel, and Taiwan was a fun place. It was my first foray into Asia, and well it was a good one.

I've visited 7 countries on 5 continents in my lifetime, yet I don't think that I've really ever travelled in the way I want to. And I certainly have a desire to travel more, rather than a complacency that I've already done enough traveling. Oh well, fond memories.

2007-04-05T23:02:00.000-04:00

maundy thursday - mandatum novum

I've recently returned from an intimate and very powerful Maundy Thursday service at my church. I left with a sense of peace for which it feels I've been seeking for a long time.

I'm not sure that I really began lent thinking that I was seeking a new direction in my life, but as it has progressed I've begun to question everything about my life and where it is going. I've submitted myself to the disciplines of prayer, fasting, silence, and study in a way that I haven't in quite some time. I believe that as I did that I began to lose a bit of myself and I definitely lost my comfortable outlook on life. Indeed I have become very uncomfortable. I've been experiencing my emotions and contemplating my thoughts in a way that's generated rapid and powerful swings of emotion. At times I've felt an emotional mess. And all the time feeling as though I needed a new direction, but not feeling capable of deciding on one. And ultimately I knew that no decision about my life was really mine to make.

Yet tonight shortly after I arrived at the church I had a good conversation with a good friend, who was also the one who conducted the service. And during the service I felt God's presence in a powerful way. So much of the liturgy, scripture reading, the homily, and even the blessing I received during the hand washing was powerful and meaningful to me. I was in fact hearing God's direction. I felt affirmed in my submission to God and for the first time in over a month I began to feel comfortable again.

As we celebrated the anniversary of Christ's institution of the "new commandment" I felt as though I too was being given something new. I have a clarity and peace about my future that I didn't have several hours ago. What a blessing this Lenten season has been to me.

2007-04-05T22:41:00.000-04:00

Colourful On The Inside

I have this old jacket that I discovered, for whatever reason I thought it looked kind of cool. Or at least I liked it enough to tell myself it was cool. I salvaged it from a box of clothes that my grandmother had given me to donate to the shelter where I work. All of the clothes were my grandfather's so of course I looked through the box to see if there was anything of sentimental value or something that I wanted before taking it down to the shelter. And I found this old jacket, and it's got to be old because I think it's been a long time since ol gramp would've been skinny enough to wear it.

I wore it into work today and as I was hanging it up I noticed that the lining is all brightly coloured. I was pleasantly surprised and kind of excited about it. I shared my new discovery with a few people, to mixed reaction. I guess I'm a little more impressed with simple things like this than most people are. Oh the simple amusements that can make one happy.

2007-03-14T21:41:00.000-04:00

A Deeper Sense Of Home

One of the things that I've always had a hard time answering over the course of my life is "where is home?"

I don't have that one place where I spent most of my life. I don't really have that one place where I "grew up". Instead I have a few places, and I don't know that one feels anymore like home than the other. That's perhaps one of the negatives to having moved a lot and having lived in a lot of different places.

I've talked to other people who've grown up like I have, living multiple places, always far from family. And they say that eventually you adopt a place and call it home. Maybe. But as I search who I am and reflect upon my life there is a place that may seem like home more that any other. Yet I've never actually lived there.

That place for me was my grandparents' house. No matter where we lived we always made time to go there. And it was a special place. My Grandpa was born on his farm, and he'd lived in his house since he was two years old. My Dad had grown up in that house too. That farm was our family's farm, and it had been for a long time. It had a sense of place that I didn't really have anywhere that we'd lived.

As grandkids when we were at the farm we were loved. We were loved by our grandparents, our aunts, uncles, and as cousins we loved each other. The farm was the place where our family was safe, comfortable, and nothing else mattered. We simply enjoyed each other's company and we enjoyed being home.

The farm house is gone now. Part of the farm has been sold. My Grandparents have since moved into Dresden, and in January my beloved Grandpa passed away. And yet the closeness of my extended family is still strong.

This past weekend I was down to Dresden (that's in Ontario for those who don't know) to visit my Grandma. My sister Karen and brother-in-law Jeff were there two. My Dad was there. We stayed at my Aunt Jane's place, and helped her buy her first computer. Which was an exciting adventure! And the short time we spent there in those familiar spaces with each other was just what I needed. Again it felt like home, as if I was reconnecting with the fabric of who I was.

So when people ask me where is home, well I might answer one of several ways. But I'll always think of my grandparents, the farm, and the special family that is my own.

2007-03-06T22:53:00.000-05:00

Celebration!

Today is a very significant day and I fear that much of the world will let it go by without realizing the significance of it.

Ghana celebrates 50 years of independence today! Ghana was the first African state to become independent of colonial rule and in fact it was their independence which paved the way for the independence of so many other African nations. Now Africa has it's problems but today isn't about that. Today is about Africans regaining control over their own destiny, and that is something to celebrate!

Read more about Ghana's independence here.

There are many Ghanaians who attend my church, and I can picture their smiling faces right now. Ghanaians know how to celebrate and the ones that I know are lovely people. Anyway I've recently stumbled onto the blog of a missionary family in Ghana and they've posted some lovely pictures that probably just scratch the surface of what it must have been like in Ghana today. So please check them out, enjoy!

2007-03-06T20:27:00.001-05:00

What I'm up to tonight:

Book: "The Jungle" by Upton Sinclair. I'm close to finishing it and have found it both enjoyable and painful to read, if that's possible. It's a very powerful book, that I'd recommend. I'll write my thoughts about it when I finish.

Music: Meat Puppets - Too High To Die
Oh the early 90's. I'm just in the right mood for this type of music tonight.

Tea: Lemongrass Green Tea. With some honey this can be quite enjoyable, as it is tonight. It kind of helps me ward off the NeoCitran cravings without drinking NeoCitran. My feeling is that if I drink NeoCitran too much it may get to where the Neo wouldn't help me any if I were to get sick.

Work From Home: I'm doing some in the midst of all that's listed above. There's a bit of a scheduling emergency to attend to. For those of you who don't know I schedule the frontline shiftwork for the shelter. At times it can be quite intensive and even consuming. I feel like the last month and a half has definitely been that. Although I felt like I was in a calm period for a while, but then you get something come up for somebody. I'm very accommodating of our frontline staff with scheduling, which I think is important. But it does create a lot of extra work for myself.

TV: Later I plan to watch The Hustle on CBC. I really like this show and it seems like not a lot of people know about it. It's a British show and may be a little more cerebral than what most North Americans watch. Think of the difference between Mi:5 and 24. Although this isn't that kind of a show at all, it's much lighter and well not about terrorist threats. It's actually a fun show about a group of con artists who pull off elaborate scores all the time. If you get your head into it can be quite enjoyable and I dig it. I'd recommend checking it out.

Latenight: I slept for a good chunk of the afternoon. I plan to do some more work on performance evaluations tonight. I don't need to be anywhere until around noon tomorrow, so I can stay up late. I tend to do my best work at night anyway.

2007-03-06T19:16:00.000-05:00

What If Jonah Had Taken The Bus?

Well today I was pleasantly surprised to see a familiar face. A former resident of ours stopped by. This wasn't a surprise because he always stops by. He likes attention and we're one of the places where he gets some attention. And although this guy can be high maintenance at times he is someone whom I've grown to appreciate and care about. I'm happy to call him a friend.

Anyway, what was surprising is that he's supposed to be in Calgary. He'd saved his money to take the bus out to Calgary for a vacation (yes Calgary in March). He said that he wanted to get away and clear his head. He didn't really have any plasn as to what he wanted to do or see in Calgary. My greatest fear is that we wouldn't see him again. But today he was back and he had a few gems of wisdom.

He said Calgary was a hell hole and he only stayed for one day and came straight back. He then proceeded to tell us that God tried to tell him that it was a bad idea to go and he should've listened. Here were the three signs:

1) The heater went on the bus.
2) The door on the bus didn't work.
3) The highway around Winnipeg was closed.

Oh he should've listened, those were some pretty clear signs. Much more clear than everyone telling him that he should probably stay put for a while before taking off somewhere. He has a history of running away when life is difficult. Anyway it was good to see him back.

2007-03-05T23:43:00.000-05:00

What you are seeing in this picture are tea leaves. I've been enjoying a new tea this evening, as in new to me. It's Hunan Organic Black Snail tea, and it is very good. It's called black snail because of the way that the leaves are rolled. They're rolled to look like little snails, as you can see on the right hand side of the picture above. On the left is what the leaves look like after you put them in water, they expand and open up. Anyway the tea tastes kind of sweet but it's not at all week. It's very smooth and perhaps some of the best tea I've ever had

Now as I've been drinking my tea I've been doing the following 3 things:

1) I've been remembering how my good friend Tom Friesen and I used to get together for tea time most evenings while we were both living in dorm at Tyndale. Tom will point out that I often drank Neo-Citran instead of tea, and he's right. I was less in to tea back then and one of my favorite hot drinks was Neo-Citran, and it still is.

I saw Tom this past weekend as we both attended our friend Dan's wedding. It was a wonderful weekend of visiting friends, but in particular it was great to see Tom. The two of us were such good friends in the past, but we don't really see each other much anymore. After doing some thinking I'm quite sure that my overall quality of life would increase drastically if I made visiting Tom and his wife Charity a priority. Heck they only live in St. Catherines and they have a guest room!

2) I've been working on performance evaluations. Oh this is a time consuming task this time of year. Although it's probably so time consuming because I take it quite seriously. In fact I've blogged about it in the past. I told someone recently that if done well, a performance evaluation can be the most meaningful interaction you have with those you supervise. That might be true, and even if it isn't my thinking that while I'm preparing each review will make that review better. Last year I sunk over 80 hours into preparing the 13 evaluations that I had to do. And they probably were the best reviews I've conducted yet. This year I'm either more efficient or else it's easier, heck maybe I'm just not putting enough work in but I'll be well short of the 80 hour mark. We'll see how these turn out.

3) I've been finding other stuff to do instead of working on performance evaluations. Oh that's the constant battle going on around here. There's good books to read, tv to watch, tea to drink, this blog to write, other people's blogs to read. So much else to do, and sometimes I do that other stuff instead of focusing on preparing evaluations.

So that's a little bit about my evening. Some of you have asked me how I'm doing with my prayer life and bible study, as I've blogged about my desire to be more disciplined in that part of my life. I really appreciate that, I probably need a little accountability. I can tell you that I've been much more intentional about spending time reading scripture and meditating on it. I've also spent a lot of unrushed time in prayer over the past couple of days. And it already feels better. The trick will be to stay the course.

2007-03-04T15:55:00.000-05:00

Subversiveness.

My friend Dan has a blog that's very interesting and challenging to read if you're willing to get your head into it and think about what he's writing. I'm adding a link to it from here and would encourage you to check in on it from time to time.

In a recent blog Dan writes the following:

.......We cannot simply use Jesus and the prophets as proof-texts for
already present models of "nonviolent direct action" (which, by the way, seems
to be the mistake that Jim Wallis has fallen into lately). Rather we must allow
our study of the biblical narrative to tell us what exactly constitutes
counter-cultural activity.

When we engage in this form of bible study, then I suspect
that we will discover that celebrating the Eucharist regularly is far more
subversive than writing letters to members of parliament, that living in
community with one another is a far more meaningful protest than rallying
outside the American embassy, that reading the liturgy is far more
counter-cultural than reading Adbusters, that suffering alongside of the
homeless is more powerful than donating to a soup kitchen, and so on and so
forth.

To get the full context of what Dan is writing about you should read the entire entry here.

As I read this I really got to thinking and perhaps took off on a tangent of thought that is different but not at all contrary to what Dan was writing here. I certainyl feel that following Christ is counter-cultural, it has to be. Yet "christianity" as we know it is often far from counter-cultural. And I can see in my own life how this happens.

I feel that Christians too often use scriputre as a "proof text" for what we do just as Dan writes, rather than immersing ourself in it so that it challenges us and inspires us to action. Christians too often use God and terms like "faith" and the "Holy Spirit" to explain how we've chosen to live our lives. Instead one should seek communion with God through prayer and meditation, truly have faith in God, and welcome the Holy Spirit to be evident in our lives. Indeed our relationship with God should be an active one that continuosly guides our actions, rather than something that we fall back on to explain our actions.

I have had times in my life where I've been very disciplined in my prayer life, in reading scripture. I've practiced fasting and other forms of inward discipline. And in doing so I can look back on those times and remember the powerful peace that I felt. I can truly say that God shaped my life during those times. Yet there have been times when I have not practiced those disciplines with due diligence. And I've felt convicted of that lately.

So at best someone like me has been set on a certain course as a result of prayer, reading scripture, and seeking God's direction. And though I continue on that course I can become more immersed in what I think God wants me to do than I am immersing myself in my relationship with God and allowing Him to truly guide me.

A far worse scenario is that although I was initially set on a certain course by God, I now proceed according to my own will altering the course as I please. And of course the danger here is to totally loose course all together.

I feel that I'm closer to the scenario where I still want to do what God wants of me. In fact I know that. And I have my moments where I truly embrace God's presence and I would never say that He is no longer active in my life. Yet I know of a greater communion with God and it is time to seek it. And I believe that I will become more "counter cultural" more "subversive" and ultimately more at peace with who I am and how I am living if I do.

So when I truly think of it, it is true that the most counter cultural acts we can do as Christians are those "spiritual disciplines" that allow God to shape and inspire us. And somehow Dan's blog moved me to thinking about that. Or at least thinking about that more.

2007-03-02T22:54:00.001-05:00

Dan Sheffield and his blog.

You'll find that I've added a link to Dan Sheffield's blog. Dan works in our denominational headquarters (or ministry centre as we Free Methodists call it). His title there is "Director of Global and Intercultural Ministries". Dan and I have crossed paths a few times over the years. The most memorable being the time that we drove down to Chicago and Indianapolis back in 2002 (I think).

The purpose of the trip was to attend a denominational conference calle CUE (Conference on Urban Evangelism), but we stopped in Chicago to visit the Olive Branch Mission. I can remember sleeping in the car in some parking lot of a gas station in northern Indiana. you don't forget an experience like that. I can also remember eing so impressed at the time to see that our denomination actually owned and operated a place like Olive Branch and wished the Canadian Free Methodists had something like it. I still wish that. In fact Dan and I talked about some on the trip. You see "methodism" at it's heart has always supposed to be about ministry amongst the poor and disenfranchised. In fact as Methodism gentrified and began to get away from its heart, there was a movement amongst the Methodist church to stay true to that. And that movement is still known today as one that is committed to ministry amongst the poor, and I work for them. Them being The Salvation Army.

But I've digressed. True "methodism" is countercultural and very much about ministry amongst those whom are on the margins of our society. But most denominations with "methodist" in their name have gotten too far away from that.And such is some of what Dan talks about in this blog entry. Dan is far wiser than when it comes to such things as church history, theology, and all that. But I've committed myself to ministry amongst the poor, I resonate and embrace a lot of what early methodism was about. So in the times that our paths have crossed, Dan and I often dream and talk about how our denomination can back to the cities and be a presence amongst the poor.

And this kind of leads into some recent thought processes I've had. I think that at my heart I want to be a part of creating something, a presence, a ministry, whatever you call it "amongst the poor". Something that reflects Christ in such places. And preferably some that takes the Free Methodist Church in Canada to such a place. I dream of that. I want the church that I've grown up in, that has nurtured me, amongst which so much of my spiritual formation has taken place, to be in the inner city and amongst the poor once again. It doesn't need to be on a grand scale, it can be in small effective ways. I think it'd be better in small and effective ways. And as I type this I realize that though this has been something I've cared about for a while, those thoughts and dreams have been dormant for too long.

I have always told myself that working where I work is a great preparation for something like that. In fact it is, I am amongst the poor every day. I'm learning what it takes to operate a shelter. I'm learning what frontline is, what face to face ministry is about. I'm learning a lot. And I do appreciate and love where I work and the people that I work with. I could continue working here for a long time, God is using me here. But it's a busy job that is focused on the day to day operations of a busy place. I don't have time and space to dream anymore. I have to think small more than I get to think big. And maybe I'm having an epipheny here, but how do I dream again? How do I make space for that? And how do I do something about moving toward what I feel God is preparing me for. And I think about that because I'm realizing that last couple of years have been rather stagnant on that front. And won't the next few be if I don't do something about it.

Well that's something, I'm flushing out some serious stuff here. Sorry if it's uninteresting and tedious to read.

2007-03-02T21:59:00.000-05:00

Fingers Crossed

I've been spending a nice evening in the apartment doing laundry, cooking dinner, putting stuff away, doing dishes, and just getting prepared for the weekend (more on that to come later). But more than anything I've been watching the Habs vs Sabres games. It started very badly for Montreal as they went down 3-0 and quite franky Abeischer looked like a funnel. But it's now 5-4 Sabres and has turned into quite an exciting game. I have appreciated Montreal's ability to battle back in games this year. Here's hoping that they pull this one out.

Below is a picture from a little less than two weeks ago when I was at a Habs game with my sister and brother in law. Good times, which you can read about here. That's a nice picture too, I guess I'm not half as ugly as I think I am. At least not with a Habs jersey on.

UPDATE: Alas the Habs fell to the Sabres 8-5, the last goal being an empty nighter. They showed some fight but winning a shootout with Buffalo proved too tall an order. I wasn't kidding about Abeischer being a funnel, he is not on his game right now, at all. I think the Habs have got to go back to playing the rookie Halak in net.

2007-03-02T02:43:00.000-05:00

Are we really asking the right questions when it comes to food?

This is a good thought provoking article about vegetables and flowers. More specifically where we buy them from.

It may not be well known fact that Kenya exports a large amount of fresh vegetables and flowers to Europe. I've seen some of the farms and the operation. The part of the operation I saw was near Lake Naivasha where there were these large flower farms with their own airstrips so that fresh flowers could be flown out every morning. And I know how many jobs are involved in an operation like that. You see rows and rows of pickers moving through the fields. The housing for the workers is certainly noticeable. And to be honest, seeing these large farms (usually white owned) with their armies of african workers can conjur up images of slavery. But in reality the workers on such farms are payed relatively well by local standards. The farm owners often opt for labour intensive methods instead of mechanised systems because they don't want to put local people out of work. And it should also be known that smaller African owned farms grow fresh vegetables for export as well.

Anyway I've seen this, and if I lived in Europe I'd be happy to by Kenyan frown vegetables. I'd rather provide a livelihood for someone in a third world country where life is hard than to buy from a local farmer who'd hardly starve if I didn't buy his cabbage. That's my bias. Many would question that bias.

But there's a real strong environmental movement out there whereby consumers are told that buying food imported by air is bad for the environment. That logic makes sense, but this article asks if that's really the case. If anything it convinces me that a lot of the ideas that are presented to us as better for the environment aren't as cut and dry as they same. I think the key is to investigate the issues for ourselves and then make educated consumer decisions that we can believe in. The article is worth a read, and I'd be interested to hear what you think about it.

African trade fears carbon footprint backlash. From BBC.

2007-03-01T11:52:00.000-05:00

Wussy Lent

So for lent this year I've given up red meat. To be honest I'm finding it too easy. One reason being that I already eat lots of chicken and pork (white meats). So really the only real change in my diet is that I'm trying to eat more fish, and I may adopt that catholic thing known as "fish fridays". And I do enjoy eating more fish!

Tonight I had some fresh rainbow trout that I bought from the fish mongerer (I love that I have a "fish mongerer" that I go to regularly) cooked with lemon and a little butter. And I had asparagus. That's some good eating. And I'm asking myself why I don't eat fish more often. After all it's good for you.

No am looking forward to the lamb that I plan to eat at Easter in order to break lent. Nothing quite like lamb at Easter. But I am also finding this lent relatively easy, and I'm wondering if I should've given up something else.

Last year I fasted on Mondays for lent. There was about a year and a half or maybe longer where I consistently fasted on Mondays. That was a good discipline and I did experience spiritual growth from it. I wonder if I should take that up again for after lent? I'd want to combine that with an increased commitment to bible study and contemplative prayer, which are areas in which I've become so lax recently. What if I were to follow through on that? I do feel like I no longer practice the inward spiritual disciplines as I once did. And I also feel the need to get back to that, I've just lacked the resolve and yes the discipline to do so.

2007-02-28T23:54:00.000-05:00

Flaws, myths, conspiracies, and integrity.

So last night I'm at work and for whatever reason the guys I share my office with brings up the fact the Martin Luther King Jr. was a known womanizer. Or he brings it up as if it were fact. And well it stuck in my mind. Although the thing that stuck in my mind was that I'd somehow heard this before and it hadn't bothered me, but this time it really bothered. That could've had to do with the reaction of some of the other people who were there, but anyway it stuck with me.

So after doing some internet research I'm piecing it together and really exploring some thoughts and feelings that otherwise would've been left dormant.

Anyway I remember back in the early 90's when I was in high school and the big controversy was that Arizona and New Hampshire didn't celebrate Martin Luther King Day. Public Enemy wrote a wicked song about that, and my how I loved PE back in the day. Anyway I remember hearing things about Martin Luther King being a womanizer and a communist. The story was that the FBI had these tapes and evidence. But you kow J Edgar Hoover's FBI doesn't exactly have the best reputation for conducting their investigations farely and without bias. And you know at the time I heard that and I heard African American leaders talk about how all of this was just a smear campaign to discredit the ideals and the message of Dr. King, and well I dismissed all of that negative stuff as nut job conspiracy theory. I never really paid it another thought.

Well if you were to check out the followig websites you'd see what kind of negative ideas are out there about Martin Luther King Jr.
This one is well put together and even kind of thought provoking.
This one is kind of sensationalistic and may well border on the rediculous. I dig the evil sounding music they play on that second site, kind of makes me chuckle.

To read these sites you'll read that Martin Luther King Jr. was plagarist in college, a communist (wasn't everybody a communist in the 50's and 60's?), a womanizer, and heck his assassination was apparently done deliberatley with FBI involvement so as to make a martyr out of him before the truth got out. So yes, to buy into all of that would be rediculous. I can see why I dismissed all of this so quickly in years past.

But after reading this I did feel kind of sick about Martin Luther King Jr. and started to wonder what to think of him, why is he so well thought of. So I went to the historic links, you know the ones that one would normally go to if they wanted to learn about the man.

From the Nobel Prize website. From the BBC website.

I remember reading excerpts of Dr. King's book Where Do We Go From Here? Chaos or Community (1967) and being very impressed with what I read, very interested. There were a lot of wonderful ideas and there was some liberation theology expressed there that I really resonated with. I'd like to read that book in it's entirety some day. Like most people I've seen the footage and heard all about Dr. King's leadership of peaceful demonstrations throughout the civil rights movement. The persistance and eventual effectiveness of that peaceful protest in an environment full of violence and intimidation is truly inspirational and something worth remembering and honoring (American spelling since we're talking about American hstory).

But what about Martin Luther King Jr? As I dug up information it became clear that there's something to the stories of his womanizing. Even friends and people who were close to him would say that he had a weekness for that. How bad was it, well there are varying stories on that. Did his wife know? It seems like she did but there are varying stories as to whether they were trying to work through it, or she was tolerant of it. I hardly have an informed opinion. There's the story that the FBI sent undercover agents as prostetutes to Dr. King in order to get evidence of his womanizing, heck I wouldn't put it past them. But there's just too much out there from too many sources to ignore.

So then the more important question came to me. That being, do we have to remember him as a man of total integrity? Does he have to be above and beyond reproach? Are the positive and vital things that he did to reshape America cheepened and less significant if he wasn't?

I think that Christians have an ideal that great leaders, great Christian leaders need to be people of total integrity. In fact we have the ultimate example in Jesus Christ. So as Christ followers we seek to be Christ like, whick includes this desire to be people of integrity in every area of our lives. We expect that from our leaders. But we are all in fact human, as are our leaders. Is total integrity in every area of one's life really something that can be expected. I know that I would like to be a person of total integrity who is righteous and upstanding in every area of my life. But I know all too well that I'm not. However if the pieces of myself and of my life which lack integrity, where I fall and stumble, are unseen by all or most I do somehow still feel upstanding and good. And really that's what we expect of our leaders, isn't it. Wow that kind of shakes me a little. Maybe a lot.

2007-02-27T16:50:00.000-05:00

Hard to handle. I have tell myself that it's only sports. Wow I never thought I'd hear myself say that.

2007-02-25T21:56:00.000-05:00

Darkness and Thought

My apartment is completely dark except for the light from my computer. I was thinking that only using electricity when I need it is good responsible consumerism. But you know I've probably got several things plugged in drawing electricity that don't need to be right now. I think the real reason I'm sitting in darkness is because I like it.

I'm just sitting here listening to Billy Bragg and thinking, and then sometimes typing, and then doing some more thinking. It's a nice quite vibe, and I'm enjoying it.

Now what am I thinking about you ask? Well all sorts of things. But one thing that I've been thinking about lately is me. I'm kind of in a rut. I have a life and a job that's comfortable. But is it what I want? Is it want God wants for me? Have I become complacent?

What I know is that my life won't reshape itself unless I think about those questions and do something about finding the answers. I may never know all of the answers to those questions, but when one doesn't ask them well they may just be wasting away part of their life. So I'm asking them, thinking about where I should be, who I should be around, what I should be doing, all that. I'm not regretting where my life has taken me or even what I'm currently doing, just thinking about what comes next. Mostly because nothing will come next if I don't think about change.

Hmmm, thinking about change is kind of refreshing. I should do so more often.

2007-02-23T18:50:00.000-05:00

I Have Tickets!

It took over 5 hours of waiting around in front of my computer, but I've secured Cubs ttickets for a special couple of days in July.

Those couple of days will be when myself and several of my friends will travel to Chicago and enjoy some baseball at Wrigley Field! I can hardly wait. Well no I can wait, but I am excited.

Last year's trip was good fun.

2007-02-23T12:48:00.000-05:00

Virtually Waiting

Well I've been waiting to buy Cubs tickets for close to two hours now. You see they went on sale today, and although the entire season doesn't sell out in the first weekend of ticket sales it does sometimes come dangerously close to that. Last year I bought tickets right when they went on sale and then organized a trip for some friends and I to go down to Wrigley and see a few games. It was a good trip and everyone had fun. So I want to do the same this summer, and have been urged to do so by the aforementioned friends.

So basically I've been a "virtual waiting room" since 10:30am. Tickets went on sale at 11am at which point they randomly select people from the virtual waiting room to buy tickets. Well I haven't been selected yet. The games I want aren't sold out yet, in fact only 4 games are sold out so far. So I shouldn't worry too much, I'll get my chance. It's just that I want to do stuff besides sit in front of my computer waiting.

Oh well in the meantime I should blog, and get people caught up on my life and the things that I've been thinking about. So I may just do that. Check for some retro blogs as I may delve into some of my journal entries and elaborate on them here. It has been an eventful past couple of months. But then maybe I'll get to buy tickets soon, and then I can go do other stuff. Oh I can only hope.

2007-02-21T22:08:00.000-05:00

The Chief's Last Dance

I suspected that it was going to happen, but I was sad to hear that the University of Illinois decided to retire the Chief. Tonight was his last dance, which you can watch here. It was an emotional moment to watch this dance perfored for the last time. I became teary eyed.

I grew up with the tradition of Chief Illiniwek and it's sad to see it go. But I remember it so fondly. It was one of the special things about being an Illini fan. We didn't have some goofy mascot like "Brutus the Buckeye" who hungout with the cheerleaders and hammed things up for the the camera. No we had Chief Illinwek who came out at halftime and did a sacred dance that we all knew and loved. The Chief was seen as a symbol of the original people of the state of Illinois and was intended to be a way of honouring them.

Now the reason that they've had to retire the chief is due to NCAA pressure. But the NCAA got pressure from groups who feel that any depiction of a native american as a sports emblem or mascot is disrespectful to native peoples. And you know that debate has been going on for a long time.

I just want to say that I am someone who bought into the idea of "Chief Illiniwek" as being a proud embodiement of Illinois' native peoples. I remember him coming to our school and letting us touch his costume. I remember that when we learned US history the likes of Crazy Horse, Cochise, Geronimo, and Sitting Bull were my heroes. Colonel Custer was a villain. I had a desire to understand and respect native american culture because of Chief Illiniwek. I cringed to hear about how native americans had been moved off their land and had their cultures destroyed when we learned about that.

This sensitivity in me began when I was a little kid watching "Chief Illiniwek" at half time of a football game. Everyone stood up for him, he had his own special musice, the chief was a proud person who commanded respect. That's what I saw, and from that point on I would always think of native americans as proud people who deserved respect and understanding. And if that respect and understanding means retiring the Chief so be it, but I will miss him.

For those of you who would like to know more about the Chief Illinwek tradition you can read about it here.

2007-02-18T23:58:00.000-05:00

Chili Cheese Fries

So tonight at the game I get some chili cheese fries from the skylines concession stand. I'd always hear about Skylines and it's famous "cincinnati style chili" so I wanted to try it. And well I do like chili cheese fries. But what I didn't realize was how much food I was actually getting. You know at sporting events you usually get inflated prices. Well for $7.50 this wasn't that overpriced. When the lady asked me how many forks I needed I replied by saying "just one". She looked rather surprised by that, and I soon found out why. I got this large bowl and all I could see was grated cheese. Beneath it was chili, and at the very bottom fries. But boy did you have to dig to get down to those fries. This was a coronary waiting to happen, that's what this was.

But boy was it good. I did have to share it with Jeff and Karen, and I usually can pack away food pretty good. And I had a full and heavy stomach for hours after eating this. Would I eat this again, yes I would. But would I eat this often, no that just wouldn't be a good idea.

2007-02-18T23:09:00.001-05:00

Habs Win!

Tonight was a special night for my sister Karen, her husband Jeff, and I. We'd been planning it for awhile. You see all three of us have February birthdays. So to celebrate we got together and went to see the Montreal Canadiens!

Montreal has been my favorite team since I can remember. I'm not really even sure why. But I think that it's because when I was little Doug Jarvis played for the Montreal Canadiens, and my parents told me that they new him from Thamesford Camp growing up. So maybe that's where my love for the Habs started, but I don't really know. I'm not always vocal about my Habs loyalties, living in Toronto. But anyway I've always loved them. And so Karen likes them too, kind of a cheer for your big brother's team kind of thing. Jeff says he used to really like the Habs back when they had Patrick Roy, and well who could blame him for that.

So anyway this was a special treat, even if it was in Colombus, OH. And as I realized tonight, it was a special treat because it was in Colombus. This was a fun place to watch a game!

We get to the very new looking Nationwide Arena. As we enter I see something that I don't like to see at a hockey game, cheerleaders. Hockey has evolved as a major spectator sport over the years, without cheerleaders. Let's be thankful for that and not set the women's movement back several years by thinking we need women in spandex strutting around for guys to look at in order to bring in fans. Anyway, whatever.

As we stroll the concourse we see several Montreal Canadiens jerseys, in fact lots of them. As we get talking to people, well yes there are Habs fans here who've made the trip from Montreal. But there are Hab fans from other parts of Canada too. And there were a lot of Canadian ex-pats who lived locally and were out to support their favorite team. But I was surprised by how many American Habs fans there were. I didn't realize the following that the Habs have in the US. The common link seemed to be that a lot of these Habs fans were US hockey fans from cities where there was no local NHL team. Many had fallen in love with the great 70's teams and stayed loyal to the Habs, even down through the generations. It was cool.

Now there were these two piss tanks from Montreal who were particularly fun. They'd periodically stand in the aisles and point to other Habs fans and then to their jersey, getting people to cheer. They had all of the obnoxious heckles going on, such as "get off your knees ref....you're blowing the game!". At one point a Colombus fan was heckling the ref and said "what are you, from Quebec". Well these two guys caught that and started to go on and on about how they're from Quebec and they love it, they love it a lot. Oh good times.

The Colombus fans whom we talked to were very nice. Rather than see us as obnoxious rivals, and there were some obnoxious Habs fans there (or maybe those guys were just obnoxious because they were really drunk), they were curious to know more about our team and history. We were asked whey it's spelled "Canadiens" and not "Canadians". Why were we shouting "let's go Habs!". Why is there blue in the jersey when Canada's colours are red and white. Who was the greatest Montreal Canadien ever. All sorts of questions like that and I appreciated the genuine interest.

Now a lot of Americans don't know a lot about hockey, and there was plenty of that here. But there were a noticeable number of knowledgeable hockey fans here as well. I couldn't help but notice how many empty seats there were though. It seems so foreign to a Canadian to be at an NHL game on a weekend and see empty seats. But you Colombus is a foreign team. I don't want to say that they shouldn't have a team because I met some nice fans here, but they're going to be a successful franchise they're going to need to draw better than what we saw tonight.

Anyway the game was a good one. The Habs got out to a 3-0 lead on the strength of Saku Koivu and Michael Ryder connecting on two power play goals. Ryder's assist on the second goal was particularly impressive, good stick handling and all that. But then in the 3rd period they almost blew it, but thankfully the Habs held on. This was Jaroslav Halek's debut and he played well to earn his first NHL win.

For us it was a real fun time and definitely worth my trip down there. It was a nice birthday present for all three of us.

2007-02-18T16:35:00.000-05:00

Some River In Colombus

Well we're in Colombus, OH at the Double Tree Hotel downtown. We've just checked in and Bailey (Jeff and Karen's dog) seems to love the view. And it's a nice view. In fact this is a sweet hotel, and we'll be able to walk to and from the game from here.

Because Jeff travels so much for his job he has tons of hotel points. So when he and my sister travel they get a lot of free hotel rooms in nice hotels. And so when I travel with them, well I often get to stay in nice hotels for next to nothing. And this is one of those times. We have suite that's big enough for all three of us, and the dog's allowed to stay with us too. So nice. We came up here to see tha Habs game tonight, it's only a few hours away. I'll tell you how that goes, exciting!

2007-02-18T15:53:00.000-05:00

American Tim Horton's

On the way in to Colombus today we had to make a special stop. The reason is that the Colombus area has Tim Horton's! And that was of special consequence to my sister Karen. You know I swear that she didn't used to such a Tim Horton's fan before she moved down to the states. But anyway I totally understand, you've got to embrace and support the expansion of such a fine Canadian institution into the lower 48.

Well Tim Horton's in the states seems to have the exact same stuff as Tim Horton's in Canada. The store didn't look any different, the staff uniforms were the same. In fact I even got the standard Tim Horton's service whereby 4 different people were working behind the counter and they all seemed to have a hand in serving me. One person took my order and went to get my coffee, a different person took my money and gave me change, a different person got my donut, and ok only three people helped me. Funny how Tim Horton's works like that.

Anyway my frosted cinamon roll tatsted the same as in Canada. But the French Vanilla wasn't quite as good. So there you go, all in all a welcome stop.

2007-02-17T22:34:00.000-05:00

Snowy Saturday

Well today was a day to get out and see some stuff. Karen had planned out the day for us, because she likes to do that, and she planned out a nice day. It started by visiting a bourbon distillery, Four Roses. And it was a good tour. They took us into the distillery and showed us the whole distilling process in detail. Maybe more detail than some would want, but I found it very interesting. They even let us taste the firewater that is whisky before it goes into the barrel for aging. I'm not sure if they should let people taste that stuff. I thought I might go blind, and I felt the burn all the way down through my esophagus.

There were some entertaining people on the tour with us. There are stories I could tell but I don't really think that I can do them justice in writing. And they may fall into the "you had to be there" category. I think that there's someting about the mood people are in while they're on vacation combined with the variety of people you'll get at a place that's a tourist atraction that makes for entertaining people watching. And I probably look and seem funny sometimes when I'm in such settings, or at least to some people. Today the people watching was almost as good as the distillery tour.

What was also funny was the weather. You see it was -3C with a good dusting of snow. I heard it described as a "blizzard". People looked at us funny because we didn't have winter coats on, even though I was wearing a heavy hooded sweatshirt and my sister was wearing a warm fleece. And the second distillery we visited wasn't taking people to tour the rickhouse because there was snow and maybe ice on the outdoor walkway that we'd have to walk on. Oh it was horrible weather according to most people we met today. You'd think that they never get snow down here, but you know my sister says that they get weather like this every winter. I guess they just never get used to it. It's so funny if you're from a northern climate.

Above is a picture of the Old Talbott Tavern in Bardstown where we ate lunch. You can see how inclement the weather was. Awful isn't it? This old tavern was a neat place to eat. I think this is the oldest tavern in Kentucky or something like that. Oh here it is the "oldest Western stagecoach stop in America". It was built in 1779. And it's a good place to eat even today. I also heard a rumour that the hotel part is haunted, but I wasn't even scared.

All in all we had a fun and laid back day. We visited two distilleries, ate lunch in the old tavern, and enjoyed some Kentucky scenery. We were home in time to fix dinner, walk the dog, and wait for my brother in-law Jeff to get back from South Dakota.

2007-02-17T00:21:00.000-05:00

Applebee's

We just got back. My sister took me to the Applebee's in her neighbourhood for dinner. The place was busy and noisy. I guess there aren't a lot of places in this neighbourhood that are open and serving food this late. So the young peoples around here go to Applebee's, in droves. And it is a Friday night.

I don't really go to high school hangouts often. And you know at my age I say high school and half those kids are probably college age. But normally I'd avoid this type of atmosphere. However tonight I just soaked it in and enjoyed. I kind of found it funny that Applebee's was a cool place for young people to hang out. I guess I've never thought of Applebee's as a place that'd be "cool" for young people. And you know the place is playing classic rock over the sound system, all the staff I saw were white southern folk, but the majority of the customers were young african americans. It all seemed an odd mix to me as these things didn't seem to fit together that well. Yet here it was all together and people were having a good time. Oh it was an atmosphere that I enjoyed seeing first hand.

The thing is that I'm sure my sister knew that I'd enjoy it. I suspect that she had been there before and thought to herself "my brother needs to see this". And that's part of what's fun about visiting my sisters. They both live places where we didn't grow up, and so when I visit they know me well enough to know what I'm going to appreciate. In many cases they appreciate subtle things about places they've been and haven't really had someone to share that appreciation with. And then I visit and we enjoy those things together. In fact the last time I visited my other sister Gab, she was telling me about this cafe/restaurant in some small town close to here called "Thanks A Latte". Well she told me all about it, and her and her husband Alex have been and enjoyed the place. But they can't wait to take me there someday. They know that I'd love visiting a cheesy place like that, and I don't doubt that they're right. Oh I can hardly wait.

2007-02-16T21:49:00.000-05:00

The Drive Down

Well I'm in Lexington, KY at my sister's house. It took just under 9 and a half hours to get here from Toronto. Which is a very manageable solo drive for me. I seem to have a comfort level with travel, with driving that not everyone has. I even enjoy it.

This morning wasn't an easy one. I had to do some things at work before I left, and to be honest what I had to do wasn't pleasant. And then a few things went wrong with the morning shift and it took some extra effort to get things sorted out and get through what I'd planned to get done. In the end the morning felt out of sorts and I didn't like how it went. I even felt a little guilty about leaving so suddenly. But as it was I picked up the rental car, went home and packed, and then set off for the blue grass state.

As I left Toronto I was listening to the jazz station and I could feel myself relax. My mind became less "busy" and I was just moving peacefully along the 401. A little later I stopped off for a late lunch and picked up some Tim Horton's for the road. Sometime later my mom called me on my cell and I felt comforted just hearing her voice, not that we talked about anything in particular. I think she just wanted to see how I was and wish me a good weekend.

My care free drive was interupted by the border, where there's just this inevitable anxiety one feels as they cross. It went smoothly, but these days the questions always seem curt, and the gaze of the border guard piercing.

And then I was in the states, and suddenly everything was dirty and unsafe. Or so I often feel when I first cross the border, particularly when I cross at Detroit. For anyone who's driven this route, you'll know that you have to drive through residential streets in order to get onto I-75 south. By day these streets same safe enough, maybe they're ok at night too. But they aren't clean, it doesn't feel safe, and compared to anything we have in Canada it feels ghetto. And really I think that it actually is a bit of a ghetto that you drive through.

I-75 south from Detroit takes you through some heavy industrial areas. Industrial slum comes to mind, but I'm sure that what I see from the interstate is not entirely indicative of the area. But it's hard for me to think about anything other than just getting away from my surroundings as I drive through this area. Even though gas is cheaper in the states, I often fill up on the Canadian side just so I don't have to stop until I'm well into Ohio. The interstate is potholed and rough, and I was driving it in the evening rush hour. This was hardly pleasant driving anymore. Traffic was slow but moving enough that my mind had to be focused on getting through the congestion in one piece.

Well things get a little better when you cross into Ohio, but in this instance the traffic really didn't let up until after I'd reached Findlay. After that the road was more open and I could enjoy my drive again. I was moving easily now and my mind could drift. I started to think about the eventful week that had passed and start to leave it behind. I felt at ease with how things had went and comfortable with what was to come, what would still need to be done in the upcoming week. It was a thought process that I needed to have. And as I drove my thoughts unwound until my mind was at ease and no longer filled with thought or worry. Oh how I sometimes need long periods of time to let my mind uncoil, and that's what the long drive was doing for me.

Usually Dayton, OH is where traffic picks up. In fact driving through Dayton can be stop and go sometimes, and when it is I often curse the place. The traffic never really lets up between Dayton and Cincinnati and so that whole stretch can feel like a continuous stream of high speed, high volume traffic with more stop and go waiting in Cincy. But tonight it wasn't bad. I got through Dayton with minimal slow down and I was able to continue my relaxed care free driving right up until I was within a few miles of Cincinnati.

In Cincinnati the traffic slowed. In fact it was stop and go for a short time just before the bridge over the Ohio River. But the lights were beautiful and I felt unrushed and alone with my thoughts. Although I wasn't thinking about much at all. And you know every time I see the skyline of Cincinnati I think of WKRP in Cincinnati, those are pleasant thoughts.

On the Kentucky side traffic is thick, but not as thick as I'm used to. In the past I've come through here during the afternoon rush and it's well passed that today. I drive through the dark of the night without high anxiety. Soon I'm in Lexington and I pull up to my sister's feeling at ease and relaxed after the long drive. A long drive that I enjoyed. Although if you could take out the Detroit through Findlay stretch I'd have enjoyed it more.

So there it is, a little bit about how I can enjoy a trip like this. I guess I kind of feel for people who can't enjoy travel this way. But then there are probably times when a long drive doesn't appeal to me either. And everyone has their own comfort levels when it comes to things like this.

Anyway I'm at my sisters and we're about to go out for a late supper. She's slept most of the day (she worked overnight last night). I'm so glad to see Karen again and be able to spend some time with her. I wish that I lived closer to her, but I'm also thankful that I live as close as I do.

2007-02-11T14:25:00.000-05:00

Community In Special Places

Today I was at my church for what feels like the first time in quite a while. Today was the men's chili cookoff, and my is that a fun event. We all sit around after church trying everyone else's chili and making jokes about who can't cook. I didn't enter this year, but you know I think I'd stand a good chance if I did. People tell me that I make good chili, and I'm starting to think that they're right.

Anyhow I've come to realize that I get something out of church that not everyone does. I don't necessarily think that my church is great or special. But I guess what is great about it for me is how special it is to me, and how special I am to so many people at my church. What I mean is that there's a good sense of community at my church. People miss you when you're gone, they call you during the week, and they pray for you. I have people at church who really hold me accountable about some things. If I'm in trouble I know that there are people there to whom I can tunr. But perhaps most importantly I feel welcome and warm every Sunday morning I go. And I think that I'm a part of creating that feeling for other people at church. In that way it's a special place for those who are willing to become a part of it.

In a sense church has always been that way for me. Perhaps the church I was raised in was special in that regard, I don't know. But I've always expected a church to be a community although I don't think that I used to use that word. But I've always thought of a church as a kind of an extended family where people truly care for one another and enjoy each other. I suppose that I look for that, even when I think I'm looking for something else. That's also probably why I'll stick with a church, even when everything isn't going the way it should. Who knows.

I've been attending my current church for 8 and a half years now, and there's been ups and downs. I've moved several times and it now takes more effort to get to my church than it used to when I first moved to Toronto and got around by car. But I've contined to attend and be involved. And the benefit of all that is that feeling I have where the church I attend is a place where I feel as though I belong and am loved. And believe me I don't aalways feel like I deserve it, sometimes my involvement has been so sporadic yet I'm never made to feel any less welcome when I return not matter how long I've been away. I'm really blessed to have a church like this.

These days it's so trendy and popular for Christians to "get back to community" it's like "community" is the new buzz word in many Christian circles. And so we have all of these "intentional communities" where Christians come together to live in community the way that bible talks about. Or so it goes. And I wouldn't say that I'm against these "intentional communities", I admire people who are able to live that way.

But I also admire people who seek to form a sense of community with their families, with their neighbours, with their colleagues at work, and with those who attend their church. And perhaps not enough is written or said about this nowadays. Most people I talk to will tell me that they attend or don't attend a church because of the preaching or the worship. Maybe they look for a church where there's a lot of people their age. But I don't here a lot of people talk about their church as a place where they feel welcome and loved, or where they make an effort to try and help others to feel welcome and loved. I think sometimes people have stopped looking for "community" at church, and so perhaps some churches have stopped being "community" for so many who attend. I'm glad that I never stopped expecting that out of a church, and I'm very glad that my church continues to be that for me.

2007-02-10T22:23:00.000-05:00

Conflict

I’ve taken a break from my incessant reading to prepare a Sunday school lesson for the youth at church tomorrow. The lesson is supposed to be about resolving conflict biblically. And as I was going through the material and putting together a lesson I couldn’t help but get to thinking about how often Christians respond negatively to conflict. And I mean negative in comparison to the biblical approach.

It seems that most people respond to conflict is one of two ways. One way is to want to escape, do whatever you can to get away from the conflict. I think I’m probably guilty of this more often than not. The other common response is to try to get the best of your opponent. I see this less in myself, although I remember that when I was younger I would respond to conflict this was sometimes. And to me this seems like such an awful way to respond to conflict. I guess in a sense there’s a positive to it in that some people can channel this response into working hard at improving themselves so that they can prove their naysayers wrong. But usually what I see is people who keep up with immature and irrational behaviour just because to stop they’d have to admit that they’re at least partially in the wrong. So stubborn.

But as I prepare this lesson I’m reading about things like humility, forgiveness, reconciliation. Those aren’t normal responses to conflict for most people. And I guess I’m challenging myself as to how much I try to resolve conflict with humility, and how open I am to asking other’s forgiveness, how willing I am to reconcile with those whom I feel have wronged me. My lesson tomorrow might suck, but I’ve already gotten a lot out of preparing it.

2007-02-10T19:17:00.000-05:00

As I Bungle Through The Jungle

I’ve spent the better part of today reading The Jungle by Upton Sinclair. This is considered “one of the most powerful, provocative, and most enduring proletarian novels ever published in the United States”, or so the inside of the cover says. Initially published in 1906 this book opened the public’s eyes to the appalling conditions of Chicago’s stock yards. After reading this book Theodore Roosevelt moved quickly to get the Pure Food and Meat Inspection Act created. And soon the Food and Drug Administration was created. Although it’s interesting to note that there wasn’t a similar push to improve the awful working conditions, shady business practices, and rediculously low wages that Sinclair described. He was later quoted as stating "I aimed at the public's heart, and by accident I hit it in the stomach."

I find it interesting to think about how various novels have been catalysts for change. It’s these classic novels with historical relevance that I’ve become really interested in lately. And this is a fascinating book. It follows the story of a Lithuanian immigrant name Jurgis and his family as they come to the stock yards to make their fortune in America, only to be confronted with one difficult obstacle after another. And as gruesome and sad as the story can be at times, the writing is beautiful. The book opens with a magnificent wedding scene. Here’s an excerpt from that opening chapter:

“It is very important, it is tragic- but, ah! It is so beautiful. Bit by
bit these poor people have given up everything else; but to this they cling with
all the power of their souls-they cannot give up the veselija! To do that would
mean, not merely to be defeated, but to acknowledge defeat-and the difference
between these two things is what keeps the world going. The veselija has come
down to them from a far-off time; and the meaning of it was that one might dwell
within the cave and gaze upon shadows, provided only that once in his lifetime
he could break his chains, and feelhis wings, and behold the sun; provided that
once in his lifetime he might testify to the fact that life, with all its cares
and its terrors, is no such great thing after all, but merely a bubble upon the
surface of a river, a thing that one may toss about and play with as a juggler
tosses his golden balls, a thing that one may quaff, like a goblet of rare red
wine. Thus having known himself for the master of things, a man could go back to
his toil and live upon the memory all his days.”

It’s such wonderful writing that describes the lives of the poor in a way that not enough people take the time to do. It describes their resilience as they struggle with the systems that oppress them, the way that they refuse to be defeated long after all would say that they have been. All they want is safety and security, but it just seems as if they live in a world where that isn’t possible for them. And you see how it wears them down. There’s always hope, but as I progress through the book I’m seeing the hope gradually fade. I’m reading it almost fiendishly in the hope that Jurgis and his family will overcome the systems that bind them and come out on top. But I’m starting to feel that this is not that kind of story. And I really sort of new that going in. The point of this book just may be that not everyone can achieve the “American Dream”, it may even be more of a book about how the “American Dream” is a bit of a sham. I don’t know, I’ll have to see how it turns out. I still have close to 200 pages to read.

I’ll update you when I finish the book. But I’d already highly recomendt this book. Particularly for anyone who wants to work or live amongst people who are poor and/or have been oppressed. Particularly those who are victim of systematic oppression.

2007-01-21T16:41:00.000-05:00

So far a lot of my time out here has been spent with this guy. I can't say enough about how much I love my nephew. He's so cute and I'm pretty sure that he likes his uncle. I find it easy to get him to smile. I've always enjoyed spending time with my family, but having a baby as part of that family just takes things to a whole nother level. I'll try not to blog about my nephew too much, but I can't promise anything.

2007-01-20T22:32:00.000-05:00

Is WestJet Your Best Bet?

Today I was up early in the morning to pack and get ready to head out to the airport for my morning flight to Winnipeg. I took a cab to the airport and got to thinking that this 25 minute cab ride was going to be more expensive than the 2 and a half hour shuttle service from Winnipeg to Brandon that I'd arranged for at the other end of my flight. I tell you taxis in Toronto are a rip off. I wish that I lived somewhere were taxis were cheap.

Anyway I'd wanted to blog about WestJet. It'd been a long time since I'd flown WestJet. I find that they're really not that much more inexpensive than Air Canada for the routes that I fly. Plus I've been racking up air miles on Air Canada for awhile, and I like Air Canada. But there was a good sale on so I booked my flights on WestJet this time.

Well I get on the plane and it's not even a third of the way full. That was sweet, lots of space. But I soon realized that WestJet must intentionally hire those overly personable perky types of people to be stewards and stewardesses. The type of people who generally drive me nuts. When I'm flying I like professional and reliable service. But I don't want personable and chatty. I don't want to listen to people try to be funny when I'm flying. No I want to be left alone unless I want something. So you know I found the stewards and stewardesses kind of annoying. But I soon fell asleep anyway. And it really wasn't all that bad.

The real problem is when I got to Winnipeg and my bag hadn't. I was the only one whose bag didn't make it there. And since I was connecting with ground transport to Brandon and staying out in the country at my sister's house, well it wasn't a good time for them to lose my bag. I've made this trip dozens of times with other airlines and this hasn't happened before. To their credit they did soon find my bag and were able to get it to Brandon for me to pick up by the evening. Partially in thanks to some good work by the Brandon Air Shuttle who were willing to deliver the bag to my brother in laws place of work. And they gave me a $100 travel voucher for all that trouble.

So do I fly with them again? I mean I guess these things can happen with any airline and they did come through in locating my luggage and getting it to me. But then the airline that I normally fly has never lost my luggage. Or do I use that $100 travel credit and then never fly with them again? Who knows, I probably won't think about it too hard until the next time I plan a trip out here. It sure did suck to go through this. But in the end it all worked out fine and was only a minor inconvenience.

In fact I kind of find myself to be really shallow when I think about how much a minor inconvenience like this bothers me. I mean I've never gone hungry, I've always had a roof over my head, my family loves me, I've had a very comfortable life. A lot of people suffer much more "inconvenient" things than having their luggage arrive at their travel destination a little later than it should.

Oh the things you learn about yourself when you travel.

2007-01-18T12:26:00.000-05:00

Done

All of the planning and making arrangements is done. I'm "running back to Saskatoon". On a side note isn't that one of the best bad songs there is. I think that I had to live in the Canadian content radio environment for a while in order to appreciate it.

Anyway I'll be getting to Manitoba on Saturday to meet up with my sister Gab and her family. We'll leave for Saskatoon on Sunday, and then I'll be there for at least a week. So for any of you Saskatoon folk who want to connect while I'm there, well drop me a line.

I'm also done with my hiatus from blogging. No real reason that I got into the rut of not blogging, but it's time to share myself again. More blogs to come, maybe even some retro blogs.

2006-10-30T00:23:00.000-05:00

Now An Uncle

It happened last Sunday, but my youngest sister had a baby boy. He weighed over 10lbs at birth and now weighs 10lbs 2 ounces. People who know say that that's a big baby. Poor little Gab had to endure 40 hours of labour before giving birth to this little fella. And I guess she has something against pain killers, because she refused to take them. She later told me that she was glad that she had the baby "naturally", which I guess means no pain killers. Or as I'd like to call them "pain killas".

Anyway, back to the baby. It took them a few days to name him, which is why I procrastinated in blogging about it. But his name is Indiana Gibson Thiessen. I'll have to get used to that one. But I look forward to when the kid sees the Indiana Jones movies and decides his name is cool. Hopefully that will come before he hears about the Indiana Hoosiers because, to be frank, they are not cool. At least not to us Illini fans.

I'm really excited to have a nephew an my Mom says that he reminds her of me, looks kind of like I did, etc. That's kind of cool. I'd like to get out there and see the little guy. But I'm not sure that I can afford to do that very soon, as I have to move at the end of the November and moving is kind of expensive. Darn moving, I hate it. This time I'm getting a place on my own and sticking with it. But maybe I'll be able to pinch a few pennies here and there and finance a trip out to Manitoba. If not I'll see the little guy in January when we all get together for a belated Christmas. And that'll be just as good.

2006-10-21T08:37:00.000-04:00

Football Games

Last night I went out with some friends to see a CFL game down at the Rogers Centre. It was the Roughriders vs the Argos. I of course had to cheer for the Riders, because my Saskatchewan friends wouldn't forgive me if I didn't. And really when it comes to the CFL, the Riders are my team. It's just that I don't really get into the CFL much. My friend Jon, on the other hand, does. And he was cheering for the Riders because he hates the Argos. He's a Hamilton Ti-Cat fan and hating the Argos goes hand in hand with loving the Ti-Cats. My friends Tyler and Kevin were cheering for the Argos, and would call themselves Argo fans. But you know you go to an Argos game and you don't get the impression that Argos football means a whole lot to very many people. There were over 30,000 people there but it felt more like people were out for a night out than to cheer on their beloved team. I found the whole experience kind of sterile and lacking in atmosphere. I still had fun because I was with my friends and I don't want to say it sucked, but well I've been in better football environments.

Just two weeks earlier I had been at a much more exciting football game. I was down in Lexington, KY visiting my sister and brother in-law and they were nice enough to arrange tickets for the South Carolina/Kentucky game.

There aover 60,000 people there wearing blue and cheering for there team. Now Kentucky is a basketball school but they get out to support their football team too. And they have fun. It's just that their expectations are low. At the end of the game I heard a few people telling the South Carolina fans "we'll get you back come basketball season". The South Carolina fans probably would take that trade off, I gathered their expectations for their football team are a little higher than Kentucky's.

Speaking of South Carolina, they are called the Gamecocks and their fans really do yell out "let's go cocks!". And apparently think nothing of it. Their cheerleaders hold up signs that say "cocks", their always talking about "cocks". It was kind of funny. But I suppose that anyone from Charleston would be quick to tell us all to get our heads out of the gutter and realize that gamecock is a type of rooster, or something like that. Well whatever, cocks suck.

Now really I do wonder if people who cheer for the Gamecocks, grow up with that being a normal name for their favorite sports teams, do they think the names at all funny. Do they think we're all stupid for thinking that. I remember back in the 90's when the college hats that had the team names written in big letters across the front were becoming quite popular and the South Carolina ones said "COCKS". You could buy those anywhere, and they were big sellers. And South Carolina isn't a big school nationally, and they were less so back then.

Anyway back to the game. It was a real fun time. The college football atmosphere in the states is easily the most exciting football atmosphere I've ever been in, and it was good to get a taste of it again. The tailgating, marching bands, school traditions, all that.

2006-10-15T13:29:00.000-04:00

Tigers, tigers, baseball team........

chasing after that pennant dream. That's the song that they used to play before Tigers games on TV. And I always found it kind of funny because back then the Tigers would usually be mathematically eliminated from the playoffs shortly after the all star break. But this Saturday they achieved the pennant dream, as they clinched the AL pennant on this walk off home-run by Magglio Rodonez. It was an exciting game and it's been an exciting run for the Tigers this season.

I'm not necessaruly a Tigers fan but I feel good to see them do well. My grandpa has been a lif long Tigers fan. Although he hasn't been following the playoffs on the radio or tv because the announcers that they have on there for the playoffs don't talk about baseball, "they're talking all the time but they don't talk about baseball". Oh that's good stuff. Anyway I grew up around a lot of Tigers baseball. When I visited my grandpa he'd always be watching the Tigers or at least listening on radio. My Dad would tell me stories from when he was a kid and cheered for the Tigers, and his Tiger heroes like Al Kaline. A lot of my cousins are Tiger fans. So you know I feel good for them. And you know my good friends Ken and Lloyd are Tiger fans, so there are a lot of reasons for me to pull for the Tigers this playoff season. Not to mention that they may wind up playing the Cardinals in the World Series and I hate the Cardinals.

I think that a lot of people are unaware that there are a lot of Tiger fans in Canada, well a certain part of Canada. Basically from the London, ON down to the border is Tiger country. Now there are plenty of Blue Jay fans in that area too, and that made for a great rivalry back when they used to be in the same division. But people in that part of the country play and follow baseball passionately and for so long the Tigers were not only the local team, but the only team. So now you know.

Anyway I've enjoyed having a team to cheer for in this year's postseason, and I'm looking forward to the World Series.

2006-10-07T23:49:00.000-04:00

Bath night

Well tonight was bath night for Bailey. Bailey is Jeff and Karen's dog and you can read a little bit about how they baby him here. Anyway I was glad that I got to be here for this. As you can see Bailey sort of puts up with the washing and sits still for the drying. But then once Karen set him down he was off. It's funny because he's perfectly dry, but he runs all over the place rolling on the floor and rubbing up against things. I guess he thinks he's still wet or just doesn't like the soap or something so he thinks he can rub it all off. It's quite cute and funny.

2006-10-06T23:20:00.000-04:00

Keeneland!

I'm currently visiting my sister Karen and her husband Jeff in Lexington, KY and they were very excited to take me to the opening day of fall race season at Keeneland today. Now I'm not really someone who really follows horse racing and goes to the track all the time. But it's an institution here and the excitement is infectous. So I was excited to go see it, and it was quite the spectacle. The facility is quite impressive, and it's also beautiful. You look out from the grandstand and see the track, but beyond the track are the gentle hills of the surrounding country side. Well manicured horse farms, and such. It's a nice layout. And the place was full. There were 25,000 people there and they weren't just there, you could tell that this was a big deal. I guess the seasons at Keeneland are only three weeks long, so everyone goes as much as they can when it's open. After all Lexington is the "Horse Capitol of the World". The population of Lexington is 267,000 people so it's hardly a huge city, but they love a party and that's what a day at the races is.

This guy is all gussied up, and there was lots of that. It's not like you would feel out of place if you didn't dress up, but lots of people were dressed up. This was a place to be seen, and the people watching was almost as much fun as the horse watching. Maybe even more fun.

So you have those who are dressed up and they wear it well. But then there are those who are dressed up who kind of look like they don't dress up a lot, and maybe don't know some things about dressing up. There was a lot of that and I enjoyed seeing it. There were college guys with dress pants and sandles, or a printed t-shirt under their white dress shirt (maybe so you could read what school they attended). Then there were the girls with dresses that didn't really fit and high heels that they couldn't really walk in. I was also digging how many guys had bow ties.

Look at these ladies with their frilly umbrellas. To protect themselves from the sun on a day where the temperature didn't break 20 (C). That's right, people really do use those things down here. And I reckon that it's probably just as much about being elegant and lady like than actually needing shade. I didn't see any guys with umbrellas, unless they were holding it for a lady (perfect gentlemen). And then I mentioned the temperature, it was kind of cool at some points during the day. And there were women there with they're smart looking coats and matching golves. Enough to make you kind of chuckle.

An interesting tidbit of information is why the flag of the United Arab Emirates flies alongside the US flag and the Kentucky state flag. It seems quite unamerican. But apparently the royal family of the U.A.E. has invested a lot of money in Kentucky horse racing. They own some large farms and have invested a lot of money into some tracks, particularly Keeneland. So there you have it, their flag flies at the track in Lexington.

So all in all I had a fun day eating hot dogs, socializing, people watching, watching the horses, and soaking in the atmosphere. And yes I did place the odd $2 bet, but I didn't win anything. It was quite the time, I'm glad I got to see it all.

2006-09-30T03:48:00.000-04:00

Breathtaking

Well it's almost 4am and I've spent the last several hours watching what has to have been one of the best Championship games I've ever seen in an sport. Tomorrow I'll blog more about the Grand Final, but you can read more about it here.

2006-09-27T16:49:00.000-04:00

Last night I went out to see some friends of mine play basketball. I know most of the guys on their team and I figured it was a good chance to get out of the apartment and support my friends on 613.

It was an alright time. You can read the recap here, but you know they didn't really do that well. But next week they play "Ridin' Dirty" and well you've got to beat a team with a name like that.

I wound up spending a significant time talking to the wives of some of my friends. It was pleasant conversation. But maybe kind of unexpected. I think that's something I'm still getting used to, having married friends. Well no I'm not still getting used to that, but I am still getting used to interacting with the wives of friends. In most cases I get along with them pretty well and can enjoy talking to them. It seems logical that a friends friend would be someone I'd get along with, and that's what a friend's wife isn't it. Anyway I don't know why it still seems weird to me when I have a nice conversation with one of my friend's wives, I never really have bad conversations with them. In fact I'd say that my friends have pretty cool wives.

Well you know I should get back to talking about the game. I saw my friend Lloyd pull down some rebounds and play tuff. I even saw him throw some elbows. He should have thrown more. that guy guarding him was asking for it.

2006-09-27T13:36:00.000-04:00

What Do You Think Of Military Coups?

It's a been a little more than a week since Thailand's military seized control of that country's government, removing the Prime Minister from office. And you know I haven't seen much about it in the papers or on the news. I think one could easily not know about it.

But think about this for a moment. Could you imagine what it would be like to see the armed forces of your country take control of the elected government? Would you feel vulnerable or violated? What would you think about the state of your country? Would you be afraid? Excited?

To me it is a frightening prospect and one that I would think couldn't happen here in Canada. Certainly most Canadians would feel that the very idea of a coup is unacceptable. But the public in Thailand seems to think differently.

For those of you who haven't been following this you should know that this has been a relatively peaceful coup. There has been little to no bloodshed, the PM was not killed or tortured or anything like that. But the military is now in control. You can read more about it here.

Apparently Prime Minister Thaskin was not at all popular in Bagkok. Which explains why there are so many pictures of happy Thais posing with soldiers and tanks around Bangkok. But he was relatively popular in rural Thailand where many of his reforms had improved the living standards in rural areas (perhaps at the expense of big business in Bangkok?). Thus the need for the military forces to surround Bangkok as if it were expecting a retaliatory attack. It will be interesting to watch this whole thing play out.

2006-09-25T23:52:00.000-04:00

Why I Don't Like KRS-ONE

For whatever reason I sometimes find myself having to explain why I don't like KRS-ONE. I'm not really sure why that is. Maybe it's because I like a lot of old school rap that people assume that I would like KRS-ONE. And don't get me wrong, I will give KRS-ONE props for being an intelligent rapper who has put out responsible and thought provoking material for a long time. I just don't like listening to most of it. The fact is I'll go out of my way to hear an interview with KRS-ONE but I'll also go out of my way to change the channel when they're about play one of his videos.

I listened to myself try and explain this earlier today. I was saying something about not liking the production on his music or the way he flows. Both kind of true. KRS is a textbook example of that New York sound where you rap in a loud voice over very simple beats. But you know as much as I like to say I don't like that style, I do like some rap that was born out of that style. I like some EPMD and I love Eric B & Rakim. So when I give that as a reason I'm only telling half of the truth. The reality is that I can't stand KRS' voice when he raps! It just makes a song suck, or at least to me it does.

For those of you who like KRS-ONE just think for a minute. Is there anyone out there whose rap voice sounds anything like KRS-ONE? It is truly unique. And if you can agree that KRS' rap voice is unique I hope you would also agree that if someone didn't like that voice they just wouldn't like his music. Logical isn't it? Well I'm that someone. So I don't like listening to KRS-ONE. There's the odd song I can dig, but most of it I can't stand. Stuff like "Criminal Minded" or that guest spot in the REM song "Radio Song", those are good examples of stuff I can't stand from KRS-ONE. To me it just sounds like bad rap. Am I the only one?

2006-09-15T11:04:00.000-04:00

Detached

It was two days ago that I heard that a shooting had just happened in Montreal and that it was all over the news. So I tunred on the tv and switched the channel to the news. As I watched the coverage and heard what was happening I don't want to say that I didn't care. But you know I didn't feel any strong emotion about what I was hearing about. I should've immediately felt something, I mean this is awful, but I didn't feel anything. It was just something that happened somewhere, it was on the news.

But then they showed an interview with a young girl, probably 16 or 17, who had witnessed people being shot right next to her. In fact she'd been shot at. She was still quite emotional and you could hear the strain in her voice as she was obviously so shaken by what had happened. She was almost incoherent but she communicated more than any other interview did about what had actually happened. You could see the tears on her face, and I immediately started to feel. I felt sad, I wanted to cry for that poor girl and felt bad for what she was going through. Suddenly I had an emotional attachment to what had happened, how awful it is. How something like that affects so many people, how it scares so many people.

I find it interesting what it takes to make me feel anything when I watch and or read the news. I can see where I've become desensitized. And I think somehwere in there is part of the reason that things like this even happen in the first place.

2006-09-11T14:01:00.000-04:00

Youth Retreat

This past weekend I was away at my church's youth retreat. I still help out with the youth group at church as part of the leadership team. This weekend was kind of sweet in that I didn't have a lot of responsibility. Basically just hang out and get to know the young peoples. Which was good because I was really too busy at work last week to put any preparation into anything. It was nice to get to just show up and be there.

It was a really cool weekend. We've got a few college agers who help out with the youth group now. And those are the same young people who were in the youth group when I first arrived at Kingsview and had to start up a youth group from scratch. It was cool to spend time with them and it was also cool seeing them showing some leadership with the current youth.

On a personal level I found the weekend a very relaxing and welcome break from the busyness of my life in the city. And it's not to often that the leaders find a youth retreat relaxing. That's a credit to our youth pastor who had this thing well planned and well organized. Plus we had a lot of leaders up there, so it was more like several people had a little bit of responsibility as opposed to a few people having a lot of responsibility.

I sometimes contemplate whether I really need to be involved in youth ministry anymore. I am getting older, my life is further removed from young people, and I'm immersed in ministry amongst the poor and broken. I'm not wanting to do youth ministry as a career anymore. But you know this weekend kind of reaffirmed that this is an important part of my life. I've been involved in the youth ministry at my church for over 7 years now. It's kind of amazing to think that it's been that long. The girl in the picture above is in grade 9 this year, and i still remember when I first came to Kingsview and she was in grade 2. I must be getting old if time goes by that quickly.

Anyhow that type of time in is not something to walk away from, and I still enjoy it. Or I guess what I really value is the relationships that I have because of my invovlement with the youth. Relationships with other leaders, with young people, with their parents. There is something special about that and I'm blessed to still be able to have even a small role in youth ministry at Kingsview. I need to be thankful for it.

2006-09-05T19:55:00.000-04:00

This is what it looks like outside right now. It's been that kind of day. Last week was full of a lot of clear sky and sunshine, but then I was in another part of the country and that was last week. Today I had the type of day that I didn't really expect to have. I ended up feeling kind of gloomy and grey.

I went into work and you know I had to be there early which didn't agree with me. And then I get there and every little thing that wasn't the way I would like it to be bothered me. The day felt chaotic without really being chaotic. It felt stressful without really being that stressful. Then there was a lot that came my way, people know I'm back and a lot was thrown my way today. But I wasn't ready to feel responsible, I wasn't ready to be graceous, I wasn't ready. The only way to sum it up would be to say that I was having a bad day.

My solution was to buckle down and do the tasks that needed to get done. I then took care of stuff that I felt that I could do well today, even though I really wanted to put them off. Then I cut out early. I came home, got some sleep, and now I'm just enjoying some down time with a cup of tea and some good music. But you know if I was a frontline worker (those are the staff that I supervise) I wouldn't have the luxury of being able to do that when I was having a bad day. I'd be getting off shift right now and who knows what toll it'd have taken on me. There's the possibility that I would have snapped at a resident or a co-worker sometime over the course of the day. It's times like this that I remind myself how grueling and demanding work like that is. And I used to do that work night in and night out. As much as I miss it sometimes, I am in a better place not having to slug through 12 hour shifts and wheaher the bad with the good for better or worse day in and day.

And so are my thoughts at the moment. I hope I have a better day tomorrow.

2006-09-04T19:33:00.000-04:00

Farewell Good Hunter

I was certainly sad to read that Steve Irwin died today. Like many others I enjoyed watching his antics on The Crocodile Hunter and enjoyed learning about animals as well. I even visited his zoo when I was in Australia. As crazy as he seemed to be handling dangerous animals he also knew so much about the animals covered in his show. It wasn't hard to think that he might sometime get seriously hurt getting so close to dangerous animals in the wild and catching them, but no one would have wished that upon him. And in this instance it was more of a freak accident than anything. This is certainly a sad day.

Read more here or here.

Australia Zoo website.

2006-08-31T01:05:00.000-04:00

Road Travelling

I was recently travelling with my pregnant sister Gab and her husband Alex. I rode along with them from Saskatoon where both they and I were visitign to their hom near Oak Lake, MB. Then the following day they drove me into Brandon where I caught a shuttle into Winnipeg and from there I flew home to Toronto. The flight from Winnipeg to Toronto is disproportianately cheaper than the Saskatoon to Toronto flight. So that's part of why often organize my trips out west this way. It's also a good way to build in some time to visit with Gab and Alex. Rumour has it that they like it when I visit them.

Anyway I was privy to a delightfully cute and entertaining exchange during the drive the other day. Here's my best rendition of how it went:

Gab (in a calm, gentle and very cute voice): Sweetie you should keep your eyes on the road.

She said this because Alex was driving and he was sometimes correcting his steering as he started to drift across the centre line. Nothing hair raising, but enough for a passenger to notice.

Alex: But I don't want to watch the road, I want to watch the baby break dance,

He said this because Gab has a baby in her stomach and at the time it was moving around so much that you could see it if you were looking at Gab's stomach.

Gab (still in a clam, cute voice): Well then let me drive and you can watch the baby dance all you want.

Me in the back: well I didn't say anything, but I was chucking on the inside.

2006-08-23T19:23:00.000-04:00

Hiking, Animals, Being Outside

The last few days have been real nice. I've spent a lot of time outside in some beautiful surroundings. And I've done so in the company of my family which just makes it more nice.

Today my sister Karen and I came probably as close as I've ever been to a wild deer. At least while being on foot. We were literally about 25 feet from the deer, maybe less. I didn't zoom in on the deer much, so this picture doesn't give you much of an indication of how close we were. But it was pretty cool.

Below are a few pictures from the last few days:

Anglin Lake

Ducks on Anglin Lake

Sunset at Waskesieu

Lake Waskesieu

sisters

2006-08-19T17:11:00.000-04:00

SNAKES ON A PLANE!

If you haven't seen Snakes On A Plane yet, go see it! Well if you like cheesy b movies and Samuel L Jackson. Think Anaconda as in fun to watch, don't take it too seriously, a good because its bad movie. Except that that movie tried to be kind of serious in the end. This movie has no such illusions, it's rediculous and funny straight through and never tries to be something its not.

I saw the movie over at the crappy theatre, which was the right way to see it. I went with my good friend Jeb, who was the right person to see it with. I haven't seen Jeb in far too long and we thoroughly enjoyed watching this movie together. One of the things that makes us such good frends is that we certainly have the same sense of humour. Anyway it was quite the enjoyable afternoon and Snakes On A Plane is pure gold.

2006-08-18T13:37:00.000-04:00

Vacation

I think that a good indicator that one has scheduled their vacation for time when they really needed one is that they are busy right up until the minute they leave. That was me on Wednesday. I'd got stuck covering for someone on the night shift Tuesday morning. And therefore I spent Wednesday tieing up loose ends at work, packing, realizing I had too much to do much left to do, etc. But I made my flight, arrived in Saskatoon, and now have a couple of lazy days under my belt. Much needed rest.

So I still have a week and a half left in Saskatoon. If you know me and happen to live in Saskatoon and would like to get together and catch up, well give me a shout. I'm at the point where I'm past just getting caught up on rest and doing next to nothing. That said, I am enjoying taking it easy. My life in Toronto has been to go go go for the past couple of weeks. Although it feels like months, I guess that's inidicative about how crazy it has been.

Oh well a couple thousand of kilometres to seperate you from your busyness can give you a whole new perspective on things. What a blessing this vacation time is and is going to be.

2006-07-29T11:20:00.000-04:00

Elk Meat Anyone?

I bought an elk roast down at St. Lawrence Market this morning. Does anyone know any secrets to cooking elk? If not I'll just cook it like I would any other roast. I reckon that it will taste good.

While I was at the market I ran into a couple former residents of the Gateway who now work at the market. They do set up and take down for all the farmer's markets, fela markets, big events, etc. I enjoyed shooting the breaze with them and hearing what they're up to. What's kind of cool is how I sometimes develop a level of friendship with a lot of our guys, and it's so cool to still see them years after they've moved out of the shelter. It's these types of relationships that make my shelter job more than a job, and it's part of what makes it special.

2006-07-26T03:08:00.000-04:00

1 in a Million

I'm thinking about the best way to describe this. But I think that most of us know people who are different than most of the rest of the people we know. Way different. It's not like there's anything wrong with them. But they're quirky, see things differently, and just kind of "don't fit". To get to know such people and become friends with them, well not everyone takes the time to do it. Perhaps it takes a little more effort. Or maybe most people want to have friends who at least on the surface appear to be similar to them. I don't know.

I do take the time to get to know some of these different types of folks and I have a few friends about whom you'd clearly say that they have a 1 in a million personality. They're odd, but they're good friends and my life is better having such friends. And I'll give you an example of what I mean.

Below is a picture of my friend Scott (next to my roommate Kevin). This is before Scott and I went shirt shopping.

You see I sometimes buy old shirts at thrift stores. They've got name patches on them or a small business logo, stuff like that. I like them because they have character. Well I know Scott from work and whenever he'd see me wearing a "work" shirt (like this Valvoline shirt I have that says "Angelo" on it) he'd do two things. First he'd make the same jokes about it all day. Same jokes every day, just as funny to him no matter how many times he's already told them. And then the second thing he does is say "you've gotta take me some place where I can get shirts like that".

So we finally arranged a time to go shirt shopping. It was a fun time, as the pictures below surely indicate. Just look at how happy Scott is modelling his new shirts.

2006-07-21T21:42:00.000-04:00

Well I've wanted to watch a Cubs game at Wrigley Field since I was 8 years old. On Wednesday that dream was fulfilled and I was there yesterday too! I can't begin to describe it, but this was one of those instances where a lifetime of high expectation were fulfilled. I loved Wrigley and getting a chance to watch my beloved Cubs from the bleachers was such a fun experience. I had to pinch myself a few times, as it was hard to believe that I was really there.

This year I finally put my neck on the line and bought tickets as soon as they went on sale in February. I then went about finding three friends who would appreciate a trip like this and organized the trip. The line up of who was going changed a few times. But my friends Tyler, Justin, and Phil made the trip. It was a good trip with a lot of good times. I had a lot of fun and I trust that it was fun for my friends too. None of them had even been to Chicago before, so I enjoyed introducing them to a few Chicago institutions like the el-tain, deep dish pizza, breakfast at Ann Sather's (that one was a first for me too) as well as baseball at Wrigley.

The baseball was great too. On Wednesday the Cubs lost 4-2. But the pitching battle between Roger Clemens and Greg Maddux was impressive. Both were pitching well. Greg Maddux's fielding is even more impressive when you're in the ballpark to see it. He had a hand in 8 defensive outs and then he had 3 strikeouts over the course of 7 innings. That's 11 out of 21 outs that he was directly responsible for. Clemens was impressive as well, even though I didn't want him to be. It was a tight game. My friend Phil called Todd Walker's 2 run shot in the 8th, which was really cool. So even though Cubs came out on the short end it was a well played game that was fun to watch.

On Thursday it was Zambrano vs Pettitte. Big Z struck out 10 and the Cubs won 4-1. I'm glad we got to see a Cubs win. Michael Barrett and Aramis Ramirez teamed up for back to back homers, the Cubs manufactured a few more runs and Ryam Dempster got the save. I loved how the crowd would cheer a Cub batter when he batted back from an 0-2 count to make it 3-2. There were severl times when the fans would stand and cheer loudley when a Cubs pitcher needed to get an out in order to get out of an inning. It was as if 40,000+ people were willing Carlos Zambrano to get those big strike outs. The atmosphere at thse crucial parts of the game was electric. I also loved that the fans wouldn't participate in the wave while the game was going on, in fact they really wouldn't do it at all. And the people who tried to start the wave got heckled. It was baseball as it should be. I enjoyed it so much.

2006-05-10T12:52:00.000-04:00

Breakfast at Lunchtime

There is something about eating breakfast at the same time that most people would be eating lunch. And not because you skipped breakfast, but because you have just woken up and are starting your day. That's what I'm enjoying now. I'm sipping tea and collecting my thoughts before I start my day. I just finished eating breakfast which I prepared for myself. Soon I'll clean up the dishes and get ready to go to work. I'm in no hurry.

Now this may seem lazy to some. But before you jump to that conclusion please consider a few things. I will likely be awake until 3 or 4am, I will go to work and be there for at least 8 hours today. A lot of people have the tendency to think that when people don't wake up until late morning or early afternoon they are lazy. I find it mildly amusing that people can't understand that not everyone works a 9 to 5 (or as is quite common in Toronto an 8-4). And not only that, not everyone wants to work those hours. I could do it, but choose not to.

What I like about what I'm doing today is that I don't feel rushed to get to work right now. When I do go to work the subway won't be packed full. The people around me will not seem like they are in a rush. When I come home from work it'll be the same thing, but perhaps even more so. I think that the few hours of quiet that I'm enjoying right now and the leaisurely start to the day is the same sort of thing that those people who wake up at 6am when they don't have to be at work until 9 enjoy. I guess I'm not sure, but there's something about not having to rush when you first wake up that's very enjoyable to me. Right now I'm enjoying it.

2006-05-01T09:17:00.000-04:00

Reflections On Taiwan

Well a week ago today I was preparing to return home from Taiwan. And by preparing I mean going to buy some tea at a Taipei teahouse and then having lunch with Chester. Good times.

Anyway, since I've returned many people have asked me the inevitable question "how as Taiwan?" So maybe I should tell everyone how my trip went. Or more specifically what my impressions were of Taiwan. I should probably blog about how much I enjoyed spending time with my good friend Chester and probably will at some point. But in this blog I'm going to focus more on Taiwan itself and less on the people I went to see.

Before I left I was aware that Taiwan was a modern country in fact one of the most economically successful countries in all of Asia. I also knew that it was very densely populated at 1600 people per square mile. Canada comes in at 30 people per square mile and we think that the US is crowded with it's 290 people pre square mile. Those stats may not be %100 accurate but they should give you an idea about how densely populated Taiwan is.

So while I was in Taiwan I was struck by three things that sort of went against what I expected. First of all I was pleasantly surprised about how well traditional culture has been preserved in Taiwan. Taiwan was a Chinese province long before Chang-kai Shek arrived with his 2 million nationalists from the mainland. So 85% of Taiwan's population are descendants of Chinese who settled the island way before that, they would consider themselves true Taiwanese. So what you have in Taiwan is that beneath the veneer of modern buildings and a highly urban and industrialized nation you will find shrines, temples, and traditions that have been preserved over the years. Apparently there are Chinese traditions that have been well preserved in Taiwan that are no longer practiced in mainland China (darn Communists).

What this meant for me is that I could enjoy a lot of that traditional Chinese architecture that up until now I only knew from the considerable amount of Chinese martial arts movies that I've watched over the years. Temples, pagodas, those immaculately landscaped gardens with coy ponds. It was all there and I enjoyed it.

The second thing that I noted was how it wasn't really unbearably crowded. Now Taiwan is densely populated. And the city that I spent most of my time in, Taipei, is densely populated and there's no question about that. I should probably preface this by reminding people that I live in city that would be considered densely populated by Canadian standards. So traffic jams, packed subway cars, large crowds walking shoulder to shoulder on city streets, that's all become normal to me. And maybe that explains what I'm about to say. I don't know what I was expecting but Taipei was more comfortable than I had expected.

I don't like crowds and I don't like congestion. There's plenty of that in Taipei, but I found it easy to find my own space within that. And when your life doesn't revolve around rush hour, large public events, etc you often find yourself on uncrowded streets and in uncrowded buildings. This was just as true in Taipei as it is in Toronto. In the countryside the settlement was a lot more dense than it would be in North America. Smaller farms, more small and mid-size cities, more small towns, etc. But then I only saw a small part of the island.

What I found weird and almost surreal was when we went to Sun Moon Lake and it was dead. This was a tourist area with tourist oriented hotels, restaurants, theme parks, and other attractions. We were obviously there in the off season. But nothing was closed for the off season. Restaurants were relatively empty, but open. Hotels were half full, but open. But what really got me was when we went to Formosan Aboriginal Village which is a huge amusement park/cultural centre. The place was ahuge and it was meant to accomodate large crowds. In a country where space is at a premium, this place had space. It had big rides, good rides, every bit up the standard I was used to here in North America. But the day we went it was virtually empty.

We walked across a vast parking lot to get to the place. There were literally around 30 cars parked in that lot. We walked through the big entrance and saw no one. We walked to the rides and saw a few people, but not many. We'd walk right onto rides and then they'd run the ride just for us. There was the odd time that they'd wait for a few more people to come. But we never rode a ride that was even at a tenth of it's capacity. Almost every ride was open. The huge gondola that went up the side of the mountain was running. Up at the top there were more people in the cultural exhibits. Not crowded but it at least felt like there might be enough people to justify the place being open, maybe. But then when we went back down to the rides, empty. It felt so bizarre to me. It was awesome, no lines for rides. I've never experienced anything like it in North America, and suspect I never will.

So was Taiwan a densely populated place. Was it crazy and crowded because of it, well that's probably a matter of perspective, but I didn't find it to be that.

There was a strange sense of order in Taiwan that really made an impression on me. I felt that I was in a very well ordered society. Things and systems run on time and efficiently. You feel safe when you walk the street. Public spaces are kept clean and beautiful. People seem to be orderly and courteous. But at the same time there is a disregard for some types of rules and laws that westerners find sacred.

We have tons of public rules or by-laws that have become societal norms for us. A Canadian expects traffic laws to be followed, for the most part. We have come to accept that a sporting venue or a movie theater will not allow you to bring food into their facility so that they can sell you their food, often at jacked up prices and we accept that. Any store or business needs to have a local permit or license to conduct business and that's enforced. When you're in public there are rules and by laws about where you walk, where you throw out your garbage, where you can eat, where you can drink, where you can smoke, and as a society we generally respect and follow those rules.

In Taiwan they may have rules about such things, but I didn't see them followed or enforced. Moreover I got that impression that the societal norms are radically different when it comes to such things. And in the end I grew to appreciate the difference.

2006-04-21T00:21:00.000-04:00

Nightmare

Last night I went to sleep knowing that by the time I woke up the Cubs would have released some information as to the extent of Derrick Lee's injury. Well I didn't dream about it. But I awoke to a nightmare. He's going to have a cast on his arm for 6 weeks. He could be out 2-3 months. Ugh!

I'm about to go out and see some of Taipei's sites and all that. So I may blog about this later. But really I might just try to put it out of my mind until I return to North America.

2006-04-19T11:29:00.000-04:00

Videoblogs. Right now Chester is about to post some of videoblogs that we've done. When they're up you can check the out here.